Carrie Contemplates

Heavy Heart

2012-02-08T21:29:00.001-05:00

Today I just have a heavy heart. If only I could share all that I see on a day to day basis. I've been interning for a residential psychiatric hospital working with mostly late elementary school and middle school girls for almost 4 months now. This place is where kids go when they aren't stable enough to go anywhere else. They are either a danger to themselves or to others. I see children who have tried to murder members of their families. I see children who have trauma histories that you wouldn't believe if I told you. I see kids who often lose touch with reality. I see children who have tried to hurt themselves in ways that would make anyone cringe. I see emotions at their extreme.Every day is a new story.

As I leave...often much later than I expected...I take a deep, cleansing breath in and let it all out as I exhale. Still, some days there is still the lingering feeling of heaviness of heart, a deep-rooted sense of heartache and longing for Eden.

Almost every Sunday my church sings this song that has become my anthem for these girls. It goes,

"You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of us."-Gungor's Beautiful Things

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10

Carrie the Elf

2011-12-18T20:55:00.000-05:00

This is a picture with my old college roommates in the Rinker pit at PBA 5 years ago. You see my pants? Do I look like I came for a photo or to help Santa and Mrs. Claus? This post is dedicated to my friend (the lovely lady on the left) Michelle who chose the topic of my crazy red pants for my first post back to the blog. She is also responsible for convincing me to start writing on the blog again. So, here's to Michelle...and the pants.Yikes.

The pants began their reign of terror about 8 years ago. The only good thing about them is that after 8 years they still fit. I decided two years ago it was time to retire them. No more Carrie the Elf. You see, I would wear them every year for Christmas parties and such with a bright green shirt. Yikes.

One thing you should know about me, I am overly festive. I go a little nutty around the holidays. So, every year around Christmas I would don the red pants and feel like a million bucks. Until a few years ago when I came to the realization that I was dangerously close to becoming the old lady with the Christmas tree sweater with jingle bell ornaments hanging from it. Yikes.

That is too closely reminiscent of a time in my life when I was completely clueless about the clothes I wore. In 5th and 6th grade I dressed like an old lady. I wish I was kidding. I was the fat kid with big glasses and thick bangs, hair parted down the middle, and braces. I have sworn off all of those things for the rest of my life. Let me describe one of the worst of my outfits. There was this dress, a denim, shapeless dress with a button on vest. Sounds horrid, I know, but that isn't the worst of it. My favorite part was that the vest was reversible, flowers on one side, bird houses on the other. O, yikes.

This is so embarrassing.

And some would try to blame my mom for letting me wear such terrible things, but she told me they looked like stuff old ladies would wear. I just thought they were awesome. And my mom had such a hard time finding things that would fit me, so she would cave. Man was I ever clueless. Sometimes, I am still clueless. I look back on an outfit and think, "What was I thinking?" Then came the pants.

You've heard of burning of the greens after Christmas. This year, I think it's time for burning of the reds.

My Journey: Part 6

2011-08-16T11:42:00.000-04:00

I have been on vacation for a week now, so thanks for waiting patiently on the next part. Your comments have been so sweet and encouraging. I'm thinking I'll only write one more part to this series after this. But my journey is not ending, only beginning.

I told you about the 31 Days of Grace blog I have been reading. Well, I’m halfway through and boy is it hitting me in all the wrong places…or the right ones, I suppose. The next part of my story is when I began to start seeing glimpses of grace everywhere. And yet apparently I am still on the journey of grace. I felt Emily explained it perfectly on her 13th day of grace. She said she felt like all she had to share was a pocket full of vanilla jelly beans instead of a single colorful everlasting gobstopper. So my story is just that. A single vanilla jellybean. There are plenty more moments when I have been overtaken by grace, but I can’t give you one beautiful story to blow you away and make you comprehend God’s grace.

And I think that’s just how God works. We can’t have it all at once. Or even handle it all at once. It isn’t something to be achieved. We can’t control it or earn it. He gives it. Moment by moment. One single jelly bean at a time.

It was April when I actually went to my favorite Christian bookstore. The same chain store I had memorized as a teenager I hadn’t stepped foot in for months. It was my love of savings and all things frugal that brought me there. I had a coupon, a really good special birthday coupon. J

I went thinking I would pick up some new music or one of the books I had been eyeing the fall before. Even if I wasn’t ready to read it yet, I could have at least gotten it for when things were back to normal again. (That hasn’t happened yet.) So I looked. I wasn’t really looking for anything new. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason for me picking up that book that day. It can only be the working of the Holy Spirit. I say that with certainty.

The name of the book was Craving Grace by Lisa Velthouse. The last thing I want to do is start a theological debate, and I don’t consider myself a Calvinist; but there was something irresistible about that book. I bought it. And although I didn’t really have time for it, being around final exam time, I couldn’t seem to put the book down. I haven’t been able to say that about a book in a long time.

I don’t think I can explain it to you, except that it was like the book was written about me, to me. It was a memoir and the girl was learning lessons I was either beginning to learn or was yet to learn. I was completely captured by this thing called grace.

Reading this book marked the beginning of my being able to see light at the end of the tunnel…

My Journey: Part 5

2011-08-04T01:03:00.000-04:00

Some time on a Sunday in January I had a phone conversation with my mom that went something like this...

Mom: So where did you go to church today?
Me: I decided just to stay home and get some rest today.
Mom: You couldn't find a friend to go to church with this morning? Jamie? Andrea? Kelly?
Me. I just decided to stay home and get some rest today
Mom: Well maybe next week....

Some time on a Sunday in February I had a phone conversation with my mom that went something like this...

Mom: So have you gone to any new churches recently?
Me: Yeah, I went to Kelly's church a couple of weeks ago.
Mom: O great! And how was it?
Me: It was good. All churches are kind of feeling the same.
Mom: Well, I know you'll find the right place soon. You just have to keep looking

Some time on a Sunday in March I had a phone conversation with my mom that went something like this...

Mom: So what did you do today?
Me: I just slept in and did some reading down by the river.
Mom: O ok well your dad and I ...

These conversations look like they would come from a girl who didn't really care what her mom thinks about what she does and who she is, but I wouldn't say that is true of me. But from November until this past May I only tried about 5 different churches, and I usually didn't go back a second time. And while my mother was concerned about my faith, I just wasn't in a place to fix that. I needed something from God that couldn't be found in aimlessly wandering from church to church. I refused to go to church by myself, something I had been doing for a year and half.

Not only was I not going to church, I was tired and frustrated with all "good" Christian things. I stopped reading my Bible. I would not pick up Christian books. I didn't really pray for others.

And here's the hardest thing I had to wrestle with....God was giving me permission to do all these things, or I guess better put would be to not do these things. Do I recommend this or think God often tells people not to read their Bible or pray? No, not necessarily.

But I had been living off of a checklist of spiritual things that had lost their meaning. God didn't want me to read my Bible everyday because I felt like I had to. He wanted me to want Him.

There were times I felt like reading my Bible during those months, because I thought it would fix everything. And God would tell me no, not yet. Not as an obligation. Or as leverage. Or to feel better. But when you are drawn to it.

It was funny, how God started showing up in other ways. Through art. And nature. And people. And in really small, insignificant events.

And my prayer life was changing too. I wasn't wrapped up in praying specific things or specific ways for specific amounts of time. It was becoming an ongoing conversation. Brutally honest conversation. Raw. Unpolished. Unapologetic.

I had always had glimpses of these things, but now I was living in a much freer relationship with Him. There wasn't anything forced about it. I was learning "the unforced rhythms of grace."

Wow. I just had a moment. I couldn't figure out where I had heard that phrase, so I did what any 21st century person would do. I googled it. And though I don't think it's where I originally heard it, it's found in the Message, a modern translation of the Bible into everyday language. And although my hermeneutics professor might die to hear me quote from it, it has been the only translation I have picked up to read on my own, outside of church since January. God will use anything to speak to His children.

Matthew 11:28-30

The Message (MSG)

^28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Wow. Thank You, Jesus.

Hang in there. We are getting close to being caught up. We just have March-July to go. I have shared my whole life with you in 5 posts. You are very patient readers. I would so love your feedback.

31 Days of Grace

2011-08-02T14:59:00.000-04:00

I found this website a few months ago and remembered that I wanted to go through these posts and learn from someone else about grace. So as a new month begins, I take yet another step in my journey of learning about God's grace. And I wanted to invite you to come along with me. Emily Freeman has written 31 Days of Grace, 31 posts on the topic of grace. I know it's already August 2, but you can catch up! I forgot about it yesterday, but I caught up today. Since the post are a year old, they are listed backwards. So scroll to the bottom and read up. To go to the next page of posts scroll to the bottom and click Newer Posts.

I leave you with a quote from her first day.

"I will not give you a list of things to do; I want to inspire you to receive the abundance of that which has already been done."

I have the tendency to think that I need to do something first in order to receive grace. What a great reminder that it's already been done. The price has already been paid. I do nothing. And who needs something else to do?? :) Come do nothing with me!

My Journey: Part 4a

2011-07-30T15:51:00.000-04:00

I wanted to write this a few days ago, and it wasn't until I had written half of a story that I realized it was not the part of the story I had intended on writing. Funny how that happens. It must have been heavy on my mind.

So here's the fourth part of my journey, the part I had intended to write several days ago.

I have said for a long time, mostly to myself, but sometimes to others, that I am part crazy. Don't call me crazy, because I'm not all the way crazy...just partly. It comes out in small bursts. Sometimes in what I say. Sometimes in what I think. Sometimes in what I do.

It reminds me of this Scrubs episode where Elliot is having a hard time hiding her crazy from her new boyfriend and is afraid she is going to mess up another relationship. She turns to her best friend Karla who tells her let it out in small bursts to total strangers, until her boyfriend is committed enough not to jump ship at the first sign of crazy. She ends up telling the chief of medicine that she used to peel off her scaly sun burnt skin, put it in a pile, and eat it. I'm not that crazy. No really, Elliot is crazy. I am not... At least not that crazy.

But sometimes I do things that make me question my sanity. Like how I moved to one of the biggest cities in the country where I did not know a soul. And how I wasn't near home. And it wasn't like college where you live in a dorm surrounded by hundreds of people your age. I moved into a one bedroom apartment, to live by myself. I started grad school. And have you heard how much I dislike school? I felt a little crazy.

And other people made me feel crazy too. Like how my first week of school, I was so desperately trying to make friends, but everyone else seemed only concerned about learning to do this whole grad school thing. Or how I went to church and Bible study at that church, and people couldn't understand why I was there to meet people. Wait, so you aren't here to learn more about Jesus??

About the grad school thing. I started in on the track on crack. My plan was to get it done in two years, and while some people can do that, I wasn't one of them. Especially, after what I mentioned earlier. I was taking 7 grad school classes and I knew no one and was by myself all the time studying, reading, writing. Not healthy by any stretch.

That was the loneliest, hardest semester of my entire life. It was also the semester that everything I knew got turned upside down. I started going to a church almost as soon as I got to Atlanta. When I walked in those doors, I could literally feel the Holy Spirit in that place. This was ironic, because I was about to find out that I didn't know didly-squat about the Holy Spirit. I felt more free to worship the Lord than I had felt in my whole life. Every once in a while, I would just cry, and I never worried who was watching. It was the most honest and passionate place of worship I have ever been.

Enter Thursday night discipleship.We were studying the book of Acts, and I was there almost every week to study chapter by chapter, verse by verse. It was the first time I had ever studied the book of Acts all the way through. And it changed me. And by changed me, I mean messed me up. How had I missed this? The God that I knew was so small compared to the God of Acts. And what did I know about the Holy Spirit? Apparently nothing. It was too much for my Southern Baptist brain to comprehend. Now, I've never been too tied to my Southern Baptist roots, because I feel like no one denomination has it all right. But this has been very difficult for me.

Now, before you started thinking the wrong thing about what was happening, this is NOT my journey from becoming a Southern Baptist to becoming a Pentecostal. In fact, sometimes I cringe to even speak in those terms, because God does not live in denominations. He lives in His followers. But my heart was growing and the ideas I held about God and the Holy Spirit were growing. And all too fast too...

Camping

2011-07-24T16:49:00.000-04:00

About a month ago, I went camping with some friends in the North Georgia mountains. They aren't from the South, so when they asked if I wanted to go with them on a camping trip in the middle of the summer, I thought they were a little crazy. I thought it would be miserable. But it was the most beautiful and perfect weather. I couldn't have asked for more. The first day we hiked Desoto Falls, both the upper and lower falls which was where we were camped. They were easy hikes and we were just enjoying the weather and each others' company. We ate about a hundred s'mores and mountain pies. It was a great time.

The upper falls

I let my friends blaze their own trail to halfway up the falls. It was too steep for my liking. Yes, I was a wimp, but in my defense, two of them came back down on their rears. It was that steep. And I am accident prone. So, I took pictures instead.

The lower falls

the gang at the lower falls-gotta love asking strangers to take your picture. They almost always cut out the scenery.

It was Bob and Jamie's anniversary that weekend, and I still can't believe they wanted to spend it in the woods with us.

I named this picture "Accomplishment" in my album for several reasons. This is at the top of Blood Mountain, right after a rigorous 2.5 mile hike up and right before my first time ever peeing in the woods. :) I know you probably didn't want to know, but it was a very proud moment and at least I spared you the details.

Grace and Peace,
Carrie

Who is Jesus?

2011-07-20T16:45:00.000-04:00

My friend used to attend this church in Raleigh, NC and didn't know a thing about these hilarious videos. In writing about my journey, I thought of these videos. And because I love you so, I am sharing them with you. This church (Vintage21) did a series on the misconceptions about Jesus and dubbed over clips from the old Jesus video. Please take 10 minutes out of your day to watch them and laugh along. You might need to turn your volume up on the last two videos, because you don't want to miss anything that is said. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.

My Journey: Part 2, the back story

2011-07-20T12:35:00.000-04:00

In order to really understand my story, we have to back up a good fifteen or twenty years. At least to my early years in South Carolina. Life before that was completely carefree, and not that SC changed everything. But I was beginning to grow up, to understand the world and the things of God more.

I had a Christian family.

We went to church... even when it snowed. Yes, mom, you don't get to live that one down.

I went to Christian school.

I made Christian friends, who also went to Christian school and church.

Around 2nd grade my dad sat my sister and I down and told us that as a family we were only going to listen to Christian music. This was not a big deal at the time, I liked the Al Denson, Wayne Watson, and Sandy Patty tapes my parents had. The only "secular" music I owned or listened to was an Ace of Base tape my friend Marie gave me for my birthday. To this day I'm not sure what was wrong with it, but it was handed over. For some reason the rule didn't apply to my parents and we would listen to The Drifters or The Beach Boys at times. I learned all the songs on the Christian radio station in about 2 days. There was one song I really liked, and since it came on about every five songs, I would listen and wait.

In fourth grade, I actually decided to begin my relationship with Christ, but it feels like just a formality since we had known each other all along. At my church, you had to go up to the front and tell the pastor that we wanted to pray to accept Christ. Even though I had wanted to do that for a while there was no way I was going to get up and walk down to the front of the church in front of everyone while they were singing and staring.

Every summer I went to Christian camp.

In middle and high school I attended every youth group function.

I learned to read my Bible every day.

I led groups and did studies.

I read Christian books...I knew the Christian book store better than anyone I knew.

People looked up to me. Leaders counted on me. I was respected.

I could keep going, but the list is kind of exhausting. And by now I'm sure you're asking, "What's your point?"

Was I faking it? NO! Not in the least bit. I was so passionate about the Lord. I look back at things I wrote back then, and I am dumbfounded at the wisdom and discernment God gave to me at such a young age. In many ways, I felt, even then, that God was raising me. He was my Father. He was my friend.

My point in all of this is that in all of this a mindset was forming. A life that was filled with unintentional rules. A life that began to make God smaller by expecting my own goodness to provoke the goodness of God. A life that was learning that I would be rewarded with praise and friendship when I was a "good Christian" and how easy it was to fake it. A life that felt that the less grace I needed, the better off I would be.

I was starting to believe that I was in control.
I was starting to believe I had to have it all together.
I was starting to believe that I must earn God's love and His favor.

It was so subtle how God left all my good, Christian, spiritual things, that I never noticed Him leaving....

More Jerome Adventures in SoCal

2011-07-17T22:01:00.000-04:00

I almost forgot! Jamie went on a little trip with her mom while in CA and here are some of their fun pics with Jerome.

O Jerome, you're in trouble now!

Thanks for bailing him out ladies! Sometimes I wonder if I'll get Jerome back from his little escapades!

Part 2 of my journey is ready to roll, but I am holding you in suspense with some brief commercial breaks.
I'll be back after these brief messages...

Jerome in SoCal

2011-07-17T21:57:00.000-04:00

My friends Bob and Jamie went back to the their home state of California over 2 months ago and I am just getting around to documenting their fun with Jerome. What can I say? Jerome attracts fun!

I should have known these two would make him play tennis. I bet Jerome was good competition. ;)

Train ride!

Grapes! Lots and lots of grapes!

Ah, the Pacific.

Jerome makes friends wherever he goes, but it's not every day that he gets to be with his gnomies. :)

Ew. Gross. No surprise as to why Jerome is looking a bit pale. Gum wall. I would never be that close.

Beautiful! Thanks guys for being such great friends and for showing Jerome (and me!) a little more of the world.

My Journey: Part 1

2011-07-13T21:00:00.000-04:00

I have decided to share some of my story and the journey the Lord has been taking me on this year. I call it my journey, because I needed some sort of label to put on what God was doing in my life. It felt so contradictory and confusing at it's beginning, but I am slowly becoming able to see glimpses of the work that He is doing in my life.

Everything started to unravel one rainy night last November. In my mind, it happened like a movie. I slept through both morning services and though I didn't want to attend the evening service at the church I had been attending for a year and a half, I made up my mind to go. I was looking for answers and demanding God to speak to me that very day. I was finished with the lack of clarity, the frustration, the longing, and the discouragement.

As evening set in, the rain started coming, and my spirit was stirred more towards anger and resolution. I was going to that service, and God was going to speak to me. End of discussion.

I was late, and so I walked the 2 blocks from parking to the church in the rain by myself. As I stood across the street staring at the church waiting for the light to change, I could feel the pressure building, the creaks in the wood before the dam breaks. I think I even hated the sight of that building, and all it meant to me. All the struggles, all the trying and doing and wishing and tears.

As I stood there on the corner, the thought actually occurred to me that I shouldn't stand too close to the road, but my mind was fixated on my demands, my hopes, my hurt. Right before the light turned, a car flew by driving in the ditch between the road and the curb. Yeah. Right where all the water collects when it rains.

Standing there drenched, I threw up my arms, and yelled to the night, "Are you kidding me?" I look across the street to see the greeters, anxiously looking away, pretending not to see. I'm not sure when my spirit broke. Was it standing on the curb rain soaked and humiliated? Was it walking past the greeters unseen and disconnected? Or was it walking into the 1000 seat dark and crowded auditorium and hearing people sing about how much Jesus loves me, when the irony of my situation made me feel very differently?

If you hear one thing from my story, hear this. I never left God, and God never left me. But if you looked at my life over the months following that night, it sure looked like I did. There were people in my life who probably were worried I was leaving God, but there were also people who could see I was finding God in unexpected places, through unexpected ways....

Stay tuned for part 2

Jerome in NC

2011-05-30T16:18:00.005-04:00

Happy Memorial Day! This has been a crazy weekend for me, so I hope that your holiday weekend has been much more relaxing and fun. Friday, I moved from my one bedroom apartment into a 2 bedroom apartment with my new roommate Hillary. I decided to choose the cheapest option of moving out and moving in on the same day which meant moving everything out of my old apartment, into my new, and cleaning my old apartment between the hours of 10am and 6pm. I barely made it. I never knew I had so much stuff!!

Saturday, from 9am to 6pm, I sat in class. While the class material was not in itself boring, I was exhausted and my brain felt like it was going to explode by the time I got home.

This left the rest of my weekend for unpacking and organizing and decorating. Now, it's break time. And Jerome has been a busy little gnome. My friend Kayla works for some summer camps up around Asheville and Black Mountain, NC. You may remember she took Jerome to her home state of Florida when she passed through ATL, and it was her boyfriend who took him to Mississippi. Needless to say, Jerome has done a lot of travelling because of this girl.

Jerome has a thing for the animals, if you hadn't noticed.

Ridgecrest Chapel

Doesn't Jerome look a little pale? It may have been because he just survived a tornado. Yikes! Look at that tree!

Apparently, whoever named these mountains was either cruel or confused. Look at those names. Should it have been the Seven Brothers? I would cry every day if my mom named me Graybeard.

The seven sisters in person.

Beautiful view! Thanks to Kayla and friends! Next stop, SoCal!

Counseling Week 3

2011-05-24T21:55:00.002-04:00

These past three weeks have been unreal. I was driving home today and thought, "Did you just counsel someone? Are you sure?" I am actually doing this. And it is fitting. My greatest fear was that I would learn everything about counseling and then actually hate it. But I don't. It just feels right. (Halellujah! I haven't been wasting years of my life!)

I have the normal anxiety that anyone would have their first few weeks doing something new, but I have in no way been overcome by my anxiety. When I enter that room with my clients, a peace comes over me. Time slows down. Not painfully, but just enough to be able to think and pray and listen all at the same time. And I am not a multi-tasker!

My prayer daily is that the Holy Spirit would be able to work through me. This is His work, and I have known that since day one. I need your continued prayers and support in the weeks and years ahead to stay focused on Him and continue to grow as a person and in my relationship with the Lord. This is just the beginning.

Boating Adventures

2011-05-14T20:07:00.002-04:00

This whole past week the temps have been soaring into the high nineties. Since I had gotten 2 river tubes for my birthday and the spa was booked until July for us girls to get our discount massages, we decided Saturday was tubing day. I was so excited for the first chance of the year to "shoot the Hooch." But the weather did not look good and temps had dropped back into the low seventies. Also, they were releasing water from the dam, and the Chattahoochee was really high and moving fast. Really? Had to be this weekend, huh?

Determined to make the most of our day, we decided to brave Bob and Jamie's river raft "boat."
I told my friends that if I didn't have friends like them, I would never do this kind of stuff. :) I took the front seat in the splash zone (thanks, girls!) and squealed like a little girl every time the freezing cold water splashed up onto me. :) We had a great time, and finished the trip in less than an hour. The day before Bob and Stan had taken the same trip and it took an hour and a half. On a regular summer day it would take two and half hours in a tube. That is how fast the water was moving. We really did not paddle much.

Kelly left us before food, but we ended the trip with a stop at Mulberry St., where the pizza slices hang off both sides of the place. Yum!

Overdue birthday update

2011-05-14T19:33:00.004-04:00

I know. I know. This post should have been weeks ago, but better late than never right?? I know I whined for an entire post about how my birthday was going to be lame and nothing fun was going to happen, but I have awesome friends and should have known better. The day before my birthday, I finally had some plans. Then I came home to a creepy note on my door (see picture) that said at 8:30 I would be woken up, fed breakfast, and kidnapped. Yikes! Sounds like fun to me...except maybe for the the 8:30 wake up call on my bday. :)

My sweet friends Andrea and Jamie came over, cooked me breakfast, and took me on a hike on a beautiful trail that Jamie had discovered. It amazes me that just outside of the heart of Atlanta lives miles and miles of gorgeous trails, the kind that make you feel as though you were in a different place entirely. I felt a bit like I was inside a book or a movie.

The afternoon was free for me to relax and spend some time reading and reflecting.

The evening of my birthday, I went to Moe's with my friend Laurel for a free birthday burrito. She bought some queso, and I stuffed my face. :) Don't judge me. It was my birthday. She got me 2 Jackie Chan movies, which made me very happy and gave us an excuse to have a movie night. Afterwards, we went to her church for a Good Friday service. By the time I was home, I was spent and went to bed.

I was not eating sweets on my birthday, but my mom had arranged for me to buy a dozen cupcakes from one of my favorite cupcake shops, Miss Mamie's on the square in Marietta, to have on Easter. My friends and I had gotten together for an Easter meal and time together, but we had to split the cupcake eating over the whole afternoon. It was a neat way to get to try all of the flavors, instead of just having a whole one or two. They were all so beautiful, but we were too distracted by their yumminess to remember to stop and take pictures of all of them. :) At least we got a few.

New Beginnings

2011-05-10T20:45:00.002-04:00

Ok troops. My stats have been slowly dwindling to zero views a day. And my 3 followers, well, I don't think they are following me anymore. Tomorrow is it. The day I become a counselor. The day I see my first real client. Until now, I have just been a student.

And I need you. I need you supporting me and showing interest in what I am doing and who I am becoming. I need your prayers. This work is God's work. It is so much bigger than me. I am scared, but in my work, you can't show it. Because when I enter that room, it is not about me. No one wants to go to a counselor who wonders whether they will have what it takes to help them.

I bought a little ceramic owl on my birthday. On the box was an old nursery rhyme called the Wise Old Owl. It reads:

A wise old owl
lived in an oak.

The more he saw
the less he spoke.

The less he spoke
the more he heard.

Why can't we all
be like that wise
old bird?

What a great reminder to use our ears more than our mouths.

Wanting to write

2011-04-26T23:16:00.002-04:00

Right now it's a quarter after eleven. I'm tired. I have a headache. And it has been a heck of a long day.

But I want to write.

The problem is that I have so many things running through my brain right now, it feels impossible. I feel too vulnerable right now to share from my heart, yet sharing trivial life events seems too superficial. So I guess tonight is somewhere in between.

Every time my life feels settled, I feel normal, and the puzzle pieces of my life fit nicely together, it feels I'm thrown into the blender. All the stuff that had settled, and I nearly thought was gone, surrounds me once again.

And the first person to hear about it is God. I went to one of those Good Friday services I was complaining about last week. I thought God and I were doing just fine, until the service started. Really. Just a few short weeks ago, I was so full of praise and awe. I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning without a joy and praise-filled conversation with my Creator.

Then there, in that service, after a wonderful, beautiful, friend-filled birthday, I let God have it. It surprised me. Especially on a night when we recognize the goodness of Christ's work on the cross. He died for me, my sin. Yet Friday, it didn't feel good enough.

I was reminded of Israel, Jacob, who wrestled with God. You better believe I was doing that with Him that night.

I'm reading a book about grace. It feels like it was written about me so much so that to even share the title with you would make me feel exposed. I haven't found pleasure in reading since I started graduate school, when reading textbooks became my life. I cannot seem to put this book down.

It occupies my mind. It is responsible for stirring the pot. It unsettles me.

So, here I am, just weeks away from massive amounts of change and new challenges, and I am here. Again, a mess before God, unable to sit still in the the Peace the passes understanding.

I always pray that these upsets, these challenges to my life and way of thinking, will bring growth and strength of character. But it always feels like one step forward, two (or fifty) steps back.

I am aware of the vagueness and intangible nature of my words, but if you're there, you get it. And I only write for encouragement on the journey. I love to find companions on the roads I travel.

My Birthday

2011-04-18T20:51:00.002-04:00

Friday is my 24th birthday. It is also Earth Day. And Good Friday. While I love the Lord and his creation, I kind of look forward to one day a year being all about me. On that day I wear a tiara and just last year added the birthday princess sash. But this year is different.

1) I gave up sweets for Lent, which means no birthday cake. This is not a huge deal especially when thinking that Good Friday represents the day when Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice. So my minor sacrifice of cake doesn't seem so bad.

2) Many of my dear friends I would have celebrated with are going to Good Friday services that evening so no party.

3) Then there is the somber crowd that spend the whole day and weekend reflecting on what Christ has done, not celebrating until Easter morning.

Which leads to a confession: I feel like Jesus is sucking all of the fun out of my birthday. I jokingly told my mom that Jesus was stealing all the glory this year, and she ran away acting like God was going to strike me with lightning. But seriously, can I safely share my vanity with you?

In my pouting I decided to list my Amazon wishlist on my profile. Just in case someone wanted to send me a birthday gift. "No one sends me care packages anymore," I told myself. All they have to do is pick something and pay. It already has my info plugged in. Easy.

I know, right? I can hardly handle the vanity myself.

I will make the most of this birthday. And hopefully, I will learn a few things in the process. :)

Jerome Goes to Mississippi

2011-04-09T12:11:00.003-04:00

Alright, it's time for a Jerome update. Jerome recently spent a little time with my new friend Quinton in my birth state of Mississippi. Let's see what what kind of trouble he has gotten himself into now. Here he is making friends with some squirrel decor. I wanted to make some joke about him eating squirrel and stuffing him, but I was afraid that since it was Mississippi, people might actually believe me. They don't do that in them there parts. :)

Jerome got to play his hand at a little penny poker. If this game was rigged, you could have done a little better. ;) Quinton goes to Mississippi State, and Jerome got a little tour of campus.

Next stop North Carolina!! Thanks Quinton!

Blog faves

2011-04-02T18:02:00.005-04:00

Today I received pictures of Jerome's fun adventures in Mississippi, but I realized the last two posts have been about Jerome. While he's great and all, he's going to have to wait a few days before he gets any more face time on the blog. But big thanks to Quinton for showing him a good time!

I don't keep a list for you to see of all the wonderful blogs I love and follow. It's just too many. But every once and a while, I discover a post or a blog that I love so much that I have to share. Sometimes I get so encouraged and inspired by a blog that I just know that everyone will feel the same way. I don't always get the feedback I was so sure I would get, but I know that I would feel guilty keeping all of this wonderfulness to myself. Today is a sharing day.

The first one I discovered probably a month ago and is written by Kitty, a law student. She named her blog Three Years of Death. Girl, I get you. I am in my 3 years of death. Question: how come I couldn't come up with a cooler blog title? I knew I would love her and her blog just from the title. In fact, I have already made one of her awesome projects, a t-shirt headband.

The other blog I wanted to mention today is called You Seriously Made That!?. I have been enjoying Cami's fun, cool crafts, but it was a post she wrote recently about herself that made my whole month! Check it out! Seriously, I love her realness right there! I am surrounded by really organized, on top of everything people all the time. I am always late, always procrastinating, always only halfway presentable. I am a mess. But this...this makes me sigh, a big sigh of relief. Somebody else doesn't have it all together. In fact, it helps me give myself credit for the things I am doing. It also makes me laugh-a great big "I am right there with you" kind of laugh. She also has a headband craft project that I can't wait to do...as soon as I find time to learn to crochet. I can only handle one crafting venture at a time. Sewing is my thing right now.

Please enjoy! I know I have! Any favorites you wanna share with me?

Jerome Adventures #2- Florida...plus a little update from me

2011-03-25T19:02:00.003-04:00

This time Jerome the travelling gnome went for a little visit with my dear friend Kayla to her home state of sunny Florida. She did a good job of keeping the sunscreen on him, because he still came home pasty white. Here are a few of the pictures of how much fun he had! At the beach...the waves were a bit scary for one so small.
At the pool :)

Hanging with Harry Potter at Hogwarts. He fit right in.

Jerome being eaten by a dinosaur...Jerome being eaten by a dinosaur??!!

Well folks that's the last of adventures with Jerome the Travelling Gnome....Just kidding. Jerome made it back safely and is now enjoying a trip to Mississippi. When he returns, you will hear all about it. Again, if you would like to be a part of his trip around the states(and the world) let me know.

Changing subjects now--back to me :)--I finally got an internship! What a weight off my shoulders! Summer is looking up! I actually do not dread seeing clients anymore. I don't think I will pee in my pants after all. God has shown His faithfulness and His grace in a big way to me this week. I will never understand why He continues to show me His favor. All thanks goes to the Big Man. More news to come.

Introducing....Jerome the Travelling Gnome

2011-03-19T23:16:00.005-04:00

So, I've had this idea for over a year now to send Jerome, my travelling gnome on a world tour. If you've been reading Carrie Contemplates for a while now you may remember my gnome Harold way back when. Well I have 3 small gnomes now, and my collection is growing. Each serves a function. Harold tended my garden. Jerome helps me see the world. My goal is to get him to every state in the US, and perhaps make a trip to every continent (every country seemed too steep a goal, though a girl can wish). I doubt he'll ever go to Antartica, but who wants to go there anyway? I'd have to make him a gnome sized coat! Well I started his adventures a month ago, sending him to my sis in Charleston, SC. I told her I at least wanted to see him at the Battery, but she could have creative freedom with the rest. So here begins his adventures...

Where is he? You don't see him? He's in the hole in one of those beautiful oaks!

See. Told you he was there.

the water :)
on a bench. see he's quite small.

in one of the old canons...yikes!

My beautiful sis took Jerome to an all girls event called Chicks and Chocolate, but I didn't hear any complaints when he got back. Must have been the yummy chocolate fountain. :)

This is the pond in the middle of my sis's campus. If you look closely you can see some ducks.

This was the only thing Jerome didn't like about his trip to Charleston....eating in the caf. What a great way to start his adventures! I can check off my home state of South Carolina. :) A big thanks to my little sis! She did a wonderful job hosting Jerome. Next up on Jerome's adventures...Spring break in sunny Florida! Wanna host Jerome? Know somewhere cool he can go? Let me know!

February Crafts

2011-03-07T12:46:00.001-05:00

I desperately wish I had more time to craft. And more money to craft. :) I would without a doubt do it all the time. I don't even have that many original ideas. I just love making things, whether it's my idea or someone else's creative genius. Some of you know that I have been taking sewing lessons. It has been crazy to try to put it in my already harried schedule, but totally worth it. I have been the girl who walks in late, spends the first twenty minutes playing catch-up, and can barely keep her eyes open by the end of class. My first class I called to see if they had an open spot two days before the class. I got the last spot. That day I worked 7-5, had sewing class from 6:30-9:30, got home at 10, packed and showered, and woke up at five the next morning to drive to Chattanooga for (graduate school) class all weekend. That week I had had a bad cold and an even worse reaction to the meds I was taking for my cold. I was a walking zombie, but now I can present to you my first sewing project that I did myself. My mom might take offense to that because we made pajama pants together, but I couldn't do it again without her because she helped so much. Even though the picture doesn't do much to show off my workmanship, it really looks great. It is what they call a sausage pillowcase with French seams. It's called a sausage, because you roll it up to sew it. Pretty cool technique. And I love French seams. They are my favorite. It is amazing how much I have learned these couple of months.

The next project was the four hour project I made mention of a little while ago. I had this cute printout from Monika Wright of i love it all when she reached 200 followers on her blog, and have been waiting for the perfect thing to do with it. Lately, I have had a real passion for upcycling, using things we throw away or recycle and repurposing them. I have about ten different projects I want to make from old magazines, and I decided to start with this one. The page where I got the instructions for this is no longer available, so if you are interested in making a frame like this just ask me. I kind of made it my own way anyhow. Again, the picture doesn't do it much justice. It is very colorful and really brightens my crafting space. I took these pictures really fast before leaving ATL to come home for spring break. I knew I would have time to blog while home and was antsy to get out of town. So sorry for poor picture quality.

And this picture shows the size of it next to my crafting desk. Love it!

Does anyone know of any more great upcycled crafts to add to my list? I love when I don't have to go to the store to buy the items I need to craft, because they're already around my house being used for other purposes, or even better, headed to the garbage! Are you worried? Do you envision my house full of trash? Or worse, me dumpster diving for crafting materials? It could become a problem. :)

Princess

2011-02-27T00:05:00.000-05:00

It's funny how some moments drive us nuts at the time, but a day comes when we would give anything to get them back. This was the day after Christmas this year. I just wanted a nice pristine snow shot of my family. But Princess was so excited and wanted to be with us so she pranced all around in our two inches of snow. All I was thinking was how our pictures were not going to be as pretty, because my crazy dog couldn't sit still. They are treasure now, much more so than perfect snow family pictures. Princess was our family.

I got the call today that Princess had died. She got hit by a car yesterday. I still remember the day we got her. That was almost 11 years ago. I was 13 and my friends and I were at the mall shopping as part of my birthday party. The Humane Society was there, and my mom, who had been standing firm for no dog, melted as the girl told us, "We just don't know how much longer we can keep her." She was adorable and never barked until the second we got home. :)

I am hyper-sensitive to animal suffering, which is why I don't think I could ever own my own animal. I can't even stand the thought of some of the people around my apartment complex owning these big dogs that they hardly ever take outside. Soap box for another day. Anywho, Princess has almost died on two occasions...at least. The first was when she was a puppy. We kept her in the back yard and had to put chicken wire up on the gates, so she didn't squeeze her skinny body through. One night we heard her yelping, not uncommon for puppy Princess. It slowly started to fade until I couldn't take it. We went out and found her hanging from the top spokes of the gate. The crazy thing had climbed the chicken wire and almost got away. From then on my heart would skip a beat and I'd be the first to fly out the door if I heard a yelp.

Her second near death experience happened on a day when we had joined our neighbors to shoot off some rocket or something that shot out these little paper parachutes with plastic men attached to them. We would shoot them off, and the dad's had a four-wheeler to run and get them. Princess would run out there follow alongside of them. But one time she ran right in front of them. I watched in horror, too far to do anything, as Princess got run over. The men had to get off and lift it off of her. She ran out from underneath without so much a scratch. Miracle.

My last story is no surprise to anyone who has ever met her. You see, my dog had talent. She could jump up on our six foot brick fence and walk up and down it. It amazed people. She had springs in her legs. Well, one day I took the brunt of those springs. I was going out to see her in what used to be the area she stayed in. Of course, she was ALWAYS excited to have anyone out with her. She made a flying leap at me, and although it was no surprise, I was surprise when she knocked me right in the face. The dog busted my lip open as I was standing straight up! I would have been upset except that it was so unbelievable. She is not a huge dog!

I miss her already.

Whirlwind Month

2011-02-21T18:37:00.003-05:00

Like the new header? Those pics came from my weekend visit to North Carolina to see my precious friend Kayla. Her co-worker gave her free passes to the Biltmore Estates, and we had fun making fun of the old pictures throughout the house and trapsing the grounds in what felt like a wind storm.

We had a fantastic time and wish I could have stayed longer. Then back to real life. Every semester I just get busier. The semester I graduate I may have to take a hiatus in a mental facility. School is one of my top priorities, but I sure wish it did not have to be. I have to remind myself it is a means to an end. So, I thought it was high time for an update on resolutions, seen as I haven't blogged in a month....a few posts shy of my hopeful 3 blogs a week. hehe.

I am very proud to anounce that this week I will be halfway through my sewing classes. I love them!! I have learned sew much :)! This week I will make a pillow case...an awesome one of course. Be excited for me. I have only wanted to do this my whole life.

My other resolutions have been on and off again. So many of them are daily and weekly things that I can conquer some days and some days not. I'm still dedicated to keeping as closely as I can to some. Others have just been a little out of reach for the way this semester/year is turning out. Three blogs a week? Not possible really. It was ambitious, and I hope to be better about writing once a week.

I will end with a random list of things going on in my life:

1. I have heard 3 references to Mr. Rogers this week.

2. Even wierder, I have heard 3 references to Star Trek in the past 3 days. Not elicited by me.

3. I made some awesome cupcakes for Valentine's Day, and you should be jealous if you didn't get one. I was still receiving compliments today.

4. My parents took me to Peter Pan @ the threesixty theatre this weekend, and it was one of the coolest experiences ever, never mind my undying love for Peter Pan.

5. I thought I was going to have a panic attack today, when I realized I was the only one in my class who has not had an interview for their internship starting this summer. I haven't even sent out my resume! I am in serious denial. (Note to self: This is a problem)

6. I spent about four hours collectively on a craft project (when I probably should have been working on my resume) that I want to show you soon.

7. I took a personality inventory for a class project and found out some very interesting things about myself, like I scored extremely high in fantasy. What this indicates is that I have a pretty wild and crazy imagination. It's part of my creative side. I make stuff up. I'm a day-dreamer with my head in the clouds. This in combination with a very low score on openness to ideas, measuring intellectual curiosity, makes total sense when I talk about my trip to Biltmore. I am not the girl who soaks in every detail of the house. I did not wear the headphones and listen to all of the historic details. In fact, I was the girl making fun of the slow-moving head phone wearers. I wanted to go not to learn but to imagine what life would be like to live in a house like that. When I was stuck in line behind the slow movers, I was making fun of the people in the old pictures, with their now outdated hairdos and ensembles. O mutton chops.

8. I am currently flipping between stressed to the max and not caring at all. Hoping that spring break will actually be a break and not what a professor of mine does to us on our class break. "On break, I'd like you to..." I could use at least 2 days in the low 80's to be outside all day, no books, no cares, just freedom and rest.

9. I have class all weekend, and midterms start Monday. Enough said.

I thought I'd go for ten, but I'm bored. So you probably are too. :) Have a wonderful week!

Homemade Cookies

2011-01-24T19:29:00.000-05:00

If you can believe this, I have never made cookies from scratch. Seriously. I always buy the prepackaged break and bake stuff. Well, I have just loved baking lately, so all I needed was a good excuse to make some. Kroger (I love that store!) was having a beautiful 3 day sale where I could get 2 FREE gallons of milk with purchase of $10 worth of products I normally buy anyway. I go through a lot of milk on my own, but I could not possibly drink all of that milk before it would go bad. (Found out you can freeze milk, but that's a story for another day.) So, I decided to give some away. Instead of giving friends a random jug of milk, they needed a little something to go with it. The most obvious choice...chocolate chip cookies! Thankfully, I made them one day before this nasty cold came and rendered me unmotivated! :) They turned out perfectly!

Measuring and Mixing

Baking and Cooling

Admiring and Devouring
:)
Any recipe suggestions of what I should bake up next?

Snow Week

2011-01-16T21:46:00.004-05:00

I just love where I live!

I have had entire snow week off. Crazy. And I have loved every minute of it. What would you do if you had an entire week with nothing to do and nowhere to go? Here's a bit of what I did.

First: Made a snowman named Stewart with great friends. I'm blessed to have friends in my apartment complex. There was no way I was driving those first few days.

Second: I built stuff...with some help......ok, lots of help. Thanks guys! I finally have a dresser!

Then I built something else. Just the chair. I guess it's more like putting stuff together and following directions. But I like to say I built it.

Next I spent all day in my adorable warm and snuggly jammies and painted my toes. Warmest wishes to you! What would you do on a snowed in day?

Gentle Whispers

2011-01-12T23:10:00.002-05:00

This Sunday, the very beginning of my church hunting, I attended a class that spoke on the passage in 1 Kings where God speaks to Elijah. He was not heard in the wind, fire, or earthquake. He spoke to Elijah in a gentle whisper. In class we were asked about our experiencing God through His gentle whispers.

Unfortunately for me I don't often hear, or listen to the gentle whispers. Sometimes the Lord has to come to me in a big and powerful way. To spiritually yell at me, if you will. And then I read something like this and His gentle whisper is so clear. It cuts right to the heart. Like Jonah ever stood a chance of running from God. "O Lord, you searched me and you know me."(Psalm 139:1)

I am so thankful for the sweet and encouraging souls I find in the blogging world. I could get discouraged because my blog doesn't draw a crowd, because I speak about matters of the heart and do not hold a well of original ideas to share or a product to sell. But then I read blogs like that, and think that if I could touch just one, it would be worth my broadcasting my life and sharing my struggles and successes. God is still working on me, refining me.

(If you didn't click the link to read the post, do it now. That was the point of my ramblings.)

I heart my bed!

2011-01-08T11:35:00.000-05:00

I could stay here all day...well it's almost been half the day already!

New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-07T20:33:00.002-05:00

This has been a whirlwind of a week. I decided to squeeze in a short road trip before my break ended, and visited my friend Jessie and her new baby girl in Virginia. Then it was back home for a day, only to pack up and head back to the ATL on Wednesday. I worked all day Thursday, had friends over that evening, and unpacked, undecorated, and got organized for school today. Phew. My list of things to do in the next couple of weeks is still really long. Needless to say, I haven't been very true to my new year's resolutions...yet. Tomorrow feels like a good day to start. :)

I am actually pretty serious about my resolutions and find that I do pretty well when I look back. I think the key to this is always re-evaluating where you are, what is working, what isn't. I had a professor in college, a wonderful Christian man named Dr. Tommy Kiedis, who taught our class (by making it an assignment) to do what he called "checking our gauges." Every month we had to evaluate the different areas of our lives by answering specified questions about ourselves and decided whether our spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and financial tanks were empty, full, or somewhere in between. By looking at where we were, it was easier to see where we needed to go and evaluate what we need to do to get us there. It has been a very helpful method for me.

This year I came up with some personal goals, but I wanted to share at least a few to get you thinking about your own. Maybe I will even find some accountabillity here.

Physical- I think everyone makes some sort of physical resolution with the turn of the new year. I try really hard not to make my resolutions too challenging, so that I give up before February and wallow for a day, saying yes to every piece of junk food that passes my way. I try not to make too many goals that require big time commitments. Time is not always on my side. So here are 2 of my 2011 resolutions for my body.
1. Experiment with 3 more kinds of veggies-I hardly buy veggies anymore unless they come in a can. (Yikes!) Last year half of my fresh veggies went bad before I could eat them, because I didn't know what the heck to do with them or if I would even like them...Don't shake your head at me.
2. Go to sleep by 10:30 every night- I have been seeing one in the morning lately more often than I'd like to admit. It's mostly wasted time too. And I'm a girl who needs her sleep. Sleep is good.

Mental/Emotional-These don't have to go together, but a lot of times they do. I'll share a few of these, because they have to do with you!
1. Take at least one picture everyday-I am not a photographer by any means. I would rather people be taking pictures of me. :) But I have been really lacking in pictures lately, which has made me sad, because I love to have those tangible memories and I always have projects in need of pictures. (Another resolution would be to become a better photographer, but hopefully after taking 365 pictures, I will have learned a thing or two).
2. Take sewing lessons-last year my parents got me a sewing machine for my birthday and said they would pay for me to get sewing lessons...this hasn't happened yet. My family seems to think if I would just experiment, I would get better at it, but truth be told, I'm rather intimidated by the machine. Formal lessons would do me good. Any recommendations of places in ATL?
3.Blog 3 times a week-I'm not making any promises, but I don't want my blog to go neglected any longer. I will take breaks every once in a while when things get too hectic or I take a vacation, but I want to be the kind of blogger that feels like your friend.

Relational-Relationships have been harder here than at any other time or place in my life. I've been blessed with a few really close friendships here, that I could not do without, but man has it ever been a tough year for me relationally. Here's a couple of my less personal resolutions.
1. Get connected with people at church-this has been on my to do list since I got here, and God has sent me back on the church hunt because of it.
2. Make dinner for friends once a month- I love to have people over, and I need something to make me cook. Enough said.

Occupational-I can't believe I start seeing clients this summer. I might pee in my pants the first time I actually counsel someone. Seriously.
1. Pray for clients every day, starting now-God knows what they need better than I ever will.
2. Give 100% every working hour- Maybe I can do slapshod work for myself, but not for others.

Financial-I had to quit one of my jobs from last semester because of classes. Things were tight before that, now things will be even tighter.
1.Be able to continue to pay for just as much as I did last semester-I am still not completely financially independent from my parents, but I am working towards that. I look forward to that day.
2.O gosh, this is embarrassing...but to keep you entertained I will share it anyway...No showers over 20 minutes- I LOVE showers! If I had an hour to shower I would. I do my best thinking in the shower. If I have to cry, I do it in the shower. Yes, I do sing in the shower. This resolution will help keep my water bill down. I used to make the excuse that I needed the alone time in the shower, but since I live by myself, that excuse went down the drain (pun intended).

Spiritual-for lots of reasons my list of spiritual resolutions looks a lot different this year. I usually have a list of verses to memorize and books to read. I usually have some spiritual number of minutes every day I want to pray. But something inside of me is changing.
1.I want my life to be more about being than doing-for me this has meant less doing, a lot less doing. I know that Christ is part of who I am, but I've been so into doing things that make me look like a good Christian that I wonder if I really am a good Christian, the kind that Christ uses and the Holy Spirit flows through. More about that another day.
2. Find a church where I can really be a part of the body of Christ-I am really uncomfortable with leaving the church I have been at since I moved here, but I am more uncomfortable staying there. This is my resolution I look forward to least, even worse than 20 minute showers.

If you can believe it, these aren't all of my resolutions, yet I am extremely optimistic. By now you are tired of reading and I need to be tired because I have less than a half an hour before my new bed time. God bless you if you read all of my ramblings. I love you all for reading. Every one needs a few fans in their lives to cheer them on.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T23:59:00.000-05:00

As some may have noticed, my blog has been a bit neglected this past year. A new year marks new beginnings, and I have resolved to move the blog a bit higher on my priority list. I am working on my blog mission statement currently, because I want it to be clear to myself and readers what this blog is all about. I may have seemed absent from the blogosphere, but I have been very much aware of the amazing world of blogging that is out there. My list of favorite blogs is growing out of control! My blogging stopped for two reasons. 1. I was too busy reading everyone else's blogs and 2. my blog lost its cool factor once I realized how awesome everyone was making their's. I want to be able to do all of the cool stuff that's out there, but the task is daunting. When I went to college I wanted to be a graphic design major....That lasted a week. I came back to my dorm crying after my first drawing class. Huge fail. But I dream of being able to do all of the awesome computer graphics and web design. So, slowly but surely, on top of all that is going on in my life, I am going to learn to master the world of blog. I will be asking for lots of help and will gladly take assistance from anyone offering. I didn't and will not be studying art or design. This is not my career. But I want to find a place for myself in this world of blogging. I will be soon posting my blog statement and my new years resolutions for 2011, starting with my reason for this picture. Until then, I will hold you in suspense....but not for months this time. :)

Spring Break=Roadtrip

2010-03-16T22:58:00.003-04:00

Back in December I decided what I wanted to do for this year's spring break. I wanted to go back to San Diego. My one stipulation: find a job. No job. No money. No plane ticket. No San Diego. Needless to say, I was disappointed when job searching kept hitting dead ends. So I made the tough call and told Becky it would have to be some other time.

I thought I was going to have a bum spring break, which the traveler in me hated, but it all worked out quite perfectly. Me and my Vibe drove all over South and North Carolina before heading back to Georgia. Florence, Charleston, Surfside, Raleigh, Wake Forest, and Greenville to be precise. And a funny thing happened, I got back my love for driving.

You see somewhere between the terribly slow Florence traffic and the standstill insane Atlanta traffic, I lost it. In fact, I dreaded getting in my car. I'd rather let anyone else drive before I would. And it's sad, because I would sometimes take the long way back to campus when I would drive through West Palm during the college days. (A weird habit that only me and one other person in the world knew until this moment) I just loved it.

That aside, I still had a great break. I got to see nearly all of my dearest friends and family, some of which I hadn't seen since last summer. It was crazy to spread my time the way I did, but I'm glad I got to see people if only for a day. It didn't matter that I was deliriously exhausted when I got back here to Atlanta. People you love make you do crazy things.

My biggest epiphany came out of a Debbie Downer moment I was having that turned my frown upside down. :) Some of my close college friends living in New Hampshire started writing these email updates on their lives, so that we wouldn't lose touch. It was a great idea, and I love them for treasuring our friendships that much. But as I read their little updates, I couldn't help but feel that my life was not nearly as outstanding or exciting. (Sometimes I have crazy thoughts, remember?)

It took until my drive back to Atlanta to realize just how full and amazing my life is right here, right now. I'm so blessed. I have loving friends and family all over the map. I may not have a job right now, but I'm working right now towards learning how to do the most fulfilling job I can imagine. I am completely loving my church, but I'm still working to find my place in it. I'm ok with that. I haven't adopted any pets. I live alone, and the answer to my favorite question, "So are there any cute boys in your life?" might always be no. Only God knows.

All I do know is that I'm surrounded by some truly amazing friends here. Some days I may struggle to stay afloat, but it has caused me to need more of God than I ever have before, to depend on Him and trust in His goodness. He's taught me things I never would have learned in my busyness and independence. He still has a lot of work to do in me and hopefully through me, and just because my life doesn't compare with someone else's, doesn't mean well...anything.

I am blessed.

I hate being cold and wet

2010-03-03T20:28:00.006-05:00

I hope that this is the grumpiest post I will ever make. I never want to make this a space to whine and complain about my circumstances or people in my life. I want to be honest about who I am and what my life is like, but some things are inappropriate and uncalled for.

But this post is a short rant I would like to have about something trivial but nonetheless emotion provoking in me. The worst combination to me is being cold and wet. I would rather be miserably hot than miserably cold any day of the year. For four years I lived in sunny Florida, and man did I love that sun.

And now I'm in Atlanta, and even though I've heard the locals say this has been an unusual year, it has been terribly rainy and terribly cold. My first semester it rained literally every other day! I even got two days off of class for flooding. Major flooding.

And this winter, I had to buy a completely new style of clothing for me...winter wear. Ok, maybe not completely new. I did grow up in SC. Now, I can just hear the northerners scoffing at me, but it makes me miserable to have the temperature around freezing and the wind blowing in my face nearly suffocating me. I couldn't live up North. Period. ( ok, that is a dangerous thing to say, b/c God has a terrible sense of humor sometimes--but those are my feelings talking)

So it's been rainy and cold, rainy and cold, rainy and cold...and then it snows. Bam. My whole attitude changes. It's wet and cold, and I'm happy. No, more like ecstatic. Our big snow day was a couple of weeks ago right before Valentine's Day, but we had another snow yesterday and it inspired me to write. I was the crazy girl giggling and dancing in the Kroger parking lot when the snow was coming down.

In spite of all of the rain and cold that has brought on an acute case of Eeyore-itis, this is my little tribute to snow. I love you. (can you say that to precipitation?)

Beginning to snow

My apartmentNarnia
My pond

Carrie, the Event Planner...No thank you

2010-02-24T13:31:00.003-05:00

This past weekend I celebrated the birthdays of some friends from back home. Last August, my friend Kristin and I planned and awesome surprise party for our friends Lacie and Bethanie. It was such a hit that we decided that we would do parties for the rest of our hometown friends. This time it was Kristin and Dorothy's birthdays, and I had hoped someone else would pick up the ball for this one.

It was getting too close to time, and I really wanted them to have a great surprise, so I started making some phone calls and soliciting some help. I was pretty stressed to say the least putting all of the party details together from five hours away. When I called the events coordinator at MagiQuest I think she thought I was crazy for calling a week before the party date...or maybe it was that I was planning a 21st birthday party at a children's place? I don't know, but I felt a little crazy.

Somehow, it all turned out. There was food and cake and fun all at the right time. And we had a great time at MagiQuest, even though there were four year olds that were doing better at the games than we were. I didn't take any pictures the whole weekend, because I was busy making sure everything turned out right and on time. By the time we got to MagiQuest, I just wanted to relax and have some fun! And that we did!

I'm Back & in Graduate School

2010-02-06T21:10:00.003-05:00

Where to start? I can't believe it has been half a year and no blog updates from me...whoops!

To ease you back into my life, I'll start with grad school. In August, I moved to Atlanta and started Richmont Graduate University. Richmont is a very small school built specifically as an integrated counseling program from a Christian worldview. It's exactly what I was wanting in a graduate school but never would have found it apart from God's providence.

You see, even people in Atlanta haven't heard of it before. In a city of big name schools such as, o let's see, Georgia Tech or Emory, Richmont is an ant. We have four classrooms. FOUR! I know almost everyone in my class, and I know better than to try to study in our library. But what it lacks in size, it makes up for in character. It's not perfect, but I can think of no where else I'd rather be.

Last semester was a tough one. I had decided to try and get this thing done in two years, so I took 17 hours. That was seven classes, and although I pulled through with all 'A's, it beat the life out of me. I had other students on board with me, but I was one of only a few that was new to Atlanta and living by themselves. Yes, you got that right. I haven't changed. I'm still a little crazy.

So that was me last semester. Seven classes. In a giant metropolis of new everything. Alone....only by the grace of God did I make it through.

It was no surprise that by the end of my first semester here I was reevaluating a bit. And after several chats with friends and family and the Lord, I switched to the three year plan and added a year to my stay here in order to keep what bit of sanity I already had.

Now, I am here. Year one of three. Semester two of eight. I have class two days a week. No job (currently). Plenty of time to make Atlanta my home, to get connected and live in step with the Holy Spirit. That's my desire.

I wish I had a picture of my school, but I've been slack with taking pictures. Maybe soon?

PS It feels good to be back. :)

Money Matters

2009-07-15T17:45:00.002-04:00

I wrote this in my journal the other day and decided this wasn't something to keep to myself. You'll probably find it humorous that I write in my journal the same way I would write here, but I'm a little on the quirky side anyway.

"I was at the mall the other day, and as I walked along I slowed down a little to watch people. Rush, rush, rush. Buy, buy, buy. More and more bags. Things they need? doubtful. Things for others? Probably not. And I began to think about how God must look down watching us shop and just sigh a sad and heavy sigh because this was never what He created this life to be. It's not about accumulating things. I mean, this is what we spend our free time doing! Life is not really about us at all. How very irresponsible of us to waste such precious time, money, and energy on things that don't last. By the time you buy new things, some of your old things have gone out of syle, and you have to buy more to keep up! How exhausting!"

"The irony in this is that as I was thinking all of these thoughts, I was contemplating buying this one pair of shoes. Very cute, very comfortable, on sale, and I had seen them once before and had debated buying them then. I passed them up once, could I do it twice?? Well, I didn't need them. In fact they were probably the last thing on earth I needed to buy."

"It was then I realized how Satan uses consumerism to draw us away from Christ as we become self-centered drones of society, buying whatever they sell us and tell us is the latest and greatest thing--sometimes even slapped with a giant red sale sticker on it. Now, I know that some things are ok to buy, but I have to wonder if others cross the line into self-centered sin? Were those shoes not just shoes any more but a shiny and stylish tool of Satan? "

"Being part crazy as I am, I started calling them Satan's shoes in my head. And no, I did not buy Satan's shoes that day, but I have fallen into his traps many times before and am sure to do it again. But next time I will be better equipped against his ploys."

Any thoughts? Am I the only one spending too much time looking for things to buy? or buying things they don't really need? What's your opinion of financial sin? Is it suppose to be all black and white, or is there a grey area?

My Best Friend's Wedding

2009-07-12T23:41:00.004-04:00

Saturday my best friend got married, and I was the maid of honor. It was a joyful but sad day to watch the "Fantastic Four" slowly but surely disbanding. All of us were in the wedding. It was truly beautiful. Jessie was absolutely gorgeous. She did a great job choosing decorations and planning the ceremony and reception, not that I doubted she would for a second. I was more stressed out than the bride, which makes me think that I will be a wreck on my wedding day. Lacie, Sarah Ann, and I were privileged to be able to sing at Jessie's wedding. It was really just a good time once things started rolling. I was even allowed to fulfill the highest of all maid of honor duties--helping the bride pee. :) O, and should I mention that I caught the bouquet? Sorry Lacie. :P

The wedding party

Mr. & Mrs. Bobby Bernier

It was a tough fight for the bouquet...

but I won!

Congratulations Jessie and Bobby! I love you both!

I wear my sunglasses at night...

2009-07-05T17:00:00.005-04:00

Recently my sister and I took a trip across the country to San Diego. I have always loved California, but this was a special trip because our dear friends the Scott and Becky live there. Even though we got there during June gloom, I hardly remember the cold weather compared to all of the fun I had with "my peepers." :) And even better than all of the fun was all of the encouragement I recieved and the things I learned from them. Just some of the many perks of being around Scott and Becky! We took over a hundred pictures while in Cali, but I'd like to share some of my faves.

SAL & I at Point Loma overlooking all of San Diego and the surrounding area.

The first school house in historic San Diego, called Old Town. Scott only thinks he could be a mean teacher!

Having a picnic at La Jolla, right after seeing the seals and sea lions in their natural habitat. Looks like a double date with two cute blondes to me... :)

My favorite...a bonfire ON the beach!...this just happened to be right before I got a mouthful of gooey marshmellow and hair in the same bite...EW!

Balboa Park. Two words: huge and beautiful.

Getting to see the Invisible Children office. Very cool.

My 1st major league baseball game! Go Padres!

Thanks Scott and Becky for who you are and for all you do! You inspire me!

Carrie

Meet Harold and the Kids

2009-05-03T22:15:00.005-04:00

I've picked up a new and very grandma-like hobby. I just can't seem to help myself. By the time I become an actual senior citizen I will be the best and most prepared for all of the post-retirement hobbies, a winner for sure.

The new one on the list is gardening. I was afraid that I would get tired of it or quit before the seeds were even in the ground. But I got inspired. Watch out world, here I come! The work was difficult. I had to dig up and replant the sod I moved to start my garden, which proved to be a rough start. Picking out the seeds was the most fun. I bought my own purple garden gloves. I worked the soil, added fertilizer, and planted the seeds. My mom helped since I was such a newby to the gardening world. We edged my newly formed bed and waited...

The garden is ready.

Every afternoon I would faithfully water the ground just hoping for all my hard work to produce something beautiful. I really didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to get my hopes up too much. Was I watering too much or too little? Was the soil good enough? Maybe I should have bought one more bag of cow poo.(Why isn't this stuff free? Does other poo work the same? I have a lot more questions about this suspicious plant growing stuff.)

After a week of patiently waiting and hoping, a beautiful thing happened. I went out for daily water duty and bam! GREEN! After staring at the ground in utter amazement rather closely and holding my breath a little bit, I ran inside and yelled to my mom, "I've got babies!!"

Those teeny tiny little sprouts brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined. By the next day 10 baby plants turned into 20. And they are growing and growing. I love it. I love it!

Now I don't want to offend anyone. To each his own. But I think gnomes and other garden statues and decorations are tacky and slightly humorous. Not pretty. Not neat. So, I was in Target the other day, and being the thrifty girl that I am, I headed straight for the dollar spot. And right now they have all of this garden stuff which screamed my name. Yes, it did. That's where I met Harold and knew right away that he would make a great addition to my little garden family. Harold is a 3 inch tall garden gnome, kinda like a leprechaun gnome. He fits right in. My family is complete.

They have gotten a little bigger now, but these are some of my first pictures of them.

First Sprouts

A little bigger

Harold

Wow

2009-04-02T00:52:00.002-04:00

Warning: Do not read that last post unless you are extremely bored! I had no idea how long it was!

Just an update.

2009-04-01T23:49:00.002-04:00

Writing is something I must feel motivated to do. When you see on your friend's blog that you haven't posted in five weeks, you get a little motivated. Life without work has been strangely busy. If you talk to anyone who knows me well, they could tell you that I am s-l-o-w. Seriously, I do not like to do anything fast. And yet I cannot remember when my life has ever been outside of the fast track. Some people joke that they need to schedule appointments to see me. And yet I spend an incredible amount of time alone. (And don't think I'm complaining!) I guess people only want to see me on days that I'm busy.

But no, in all seriousness I have never been able to watch this much TV in my life. Or spend time working on my hobbies. I like this. But I also look forward to change when my schedule is packed with class assignments and part-time jobs. That being said, I just handed over the last piece of my graduate school application today. Yesterday I took the GRE, and when I finished I felt like breaking out into a dance in the testing center parking lot. My score was not that grand, but I was on top of the world. All of that studying, all of that anxiety--finished. I went through an entire GRE study book only for the math portion. I had another book that I studied vocabulary words from. It wasn't that it was hard, but I felt like my future hung on my retaining every detail. And now it's history.

Outside of graduate school preparation, God has given me some really cool opportunities to work in my church. All of them have been perfectly fitting for me. All of them God has been preparing me for all along. First, I work with our elementary aged girls on Wednesday nights. My job has been to come up with a song and dance routine with the help of the sixth graders and teach it to the rest of the class. This song will be performed in a few weeks at the annual mother/daughter banquet. It is a bigger deal to the kids than it is for any of the adults so I wanted them to feel like it was truly their own. And boy is it. I have loved being a part of my church's "interpretive movement" team since I was 12. As funny as the idea of it sounds, (and I have been mocked by college roommates) I think it can be absolutely beautiful and have become as skilled as someone who has never taken a single dance class can be. So I was more than happy to take this on. I could have done it all by myself but chose to let the sixth graders take the lead. So special. That's all I have to say. I have learned so much in working with all of these girls.

Another thing I am doing is being a substitute for both Sunday school and extended session with the children. I've found that both of these have helped me really get to know the kids at my church. I like being there as well.

Lastly, the most overwhelmingly exciting thing has been that I have been helping to teach the high school girls small group Bible study on Sunday nights. I get nervous every time I go, because I have never really taught before, and never at all with girls this age! But I get so pumped when I am preparing and when I start to teach these girls. I want them to know God and know God's Word. I want them to learn to really love Him. I know they are capable. I don't know when was the last time I got so passionate about something. I go to the store, see things and think, gee I think the girls would love this, I oughta buy it. Ideas bounce around my brain, and the word of God pops off the page nearly knocking me over. It's so crazy, and I never thought I could be good at this. My biggest problem is trying not to get ahead of God, because I'm rarin to go! It has been really cool to look around the room and see girls who are truly interested in what the word of God is saying. So cool.

Enough of my tirade. If I'm ever talking about the book of James, it has to do with our study. I just spent all afternoon getting a craft ready for them, a little somethin somethin to keep their Bible study stuff in. $ .75 bags at Hobby Lobby, that's what I'm talkin about!

So, that's my church stuff. On another note, I've been working out and I think it's paying off. I'm not getting on a scale until after Easter because I gave up sweets for Lent. I don't want to turn my Lent commitments into an attempt to lose weight. Until then, I can at least say I'm feeling better.

I was looking at my new year's resolutions and strangely writing them out has proved to pay off at least a little. Now I'm not by any means keeping them all, but I was impressed that some things did stick.

Looking ahead to my summer, I have found that I am busy or gone every other week until I hope to be leaving for graduate school. Kinda crazy and I'm trying to fit more in. It will be wonderful. I have to remind myself of that.

A few weeks ago I went to Florida and took Lacie along. We had a very good time and I did a bunch of things that I was very sad to leave behind again. I thought I was going to be stuck there, which I was more than content to be, because my car was making funny noises. But fifty dollars later I had no explanation and I could not make my car make the sound until I had pulled off the dealership's property. Not fun.

Probably my favorite thing of the whole trip in all of its glory was getting to attend Christ Fellowship. We drove from Orlando to Palm Beach that morning and only missed the first ten minutes of the service, but I was smiling from ear to ear the entire time. Every moment brought me so much joy, and I even got to see their new building. And of all things I got to see the people who knew me the most. I mean seriously wonderful.

Other highlights would be beach time, picnics at my favorite two trees in the world, night walk on the island, Moe's Monday, late night at Jazzman's, running into people who were glad to see me, talking in Towers, sneaking around campus giving thank you notes and visiting with professors who showed a lot of interest in what I was doing and where I was going. Could hardly have asked for better. God is so good.

Roadtrip!

2009-02-20T19:44:00.002-05:00

Right now I'm a bit on a sick side. But after what I've put my body through the past two weeks, well it's safe to say I deserved it. In two weeks I have put over 2,500 miles on my car from a total of five days in driving time. I have spent time in Georgia, Florida, and Virginia. And stuck one weekend of very little sleep right at the end. Needless to say, I am in recovery mode and my body wants me to be in bed for most of the day. I try relentlessly to fight with it, but right now, body 1, spirit 0.
So what all was I doing you may ask? Well, let me tell you. First I drove straight into Hotlanta to drive through a graduate school I am looking at. Very cute although traffic there is way worse than West Palm! Then I drove to the Paisley Farmhouse where India, my artsy college roommate, was hard at work in her mom's precious store. I went to bed early that night, but still spent as much time as possible with her parents and twin cousins. The next day was another drive day.
India and I took our time getting ready the next day but were bursting at the seams because of a giant surprise we were taking part in! Our roommate Michelle and great friend Nate were getting engaged! He invited us to be there afterwards as a surprise. So we travelled the miles to Sarasota, FL to prepare a fantastic engagement party for her. And may I just say we did a fantastic job! What a team!
Of course, since I was so close I drove to Tampa to celebrate my cousin Katie's thirteenth birthday. All in a day's work!
After spending a few days in beautiful and sunny Florida, India and I headed back to her house. Spending one more night of restful sleep on her oh so comfy bed, I was off again. This time I was headed for my aunt's house in Stafford, Virginia. I slept the drive off again and refueled with Panera's broccoli cheddar soup. Mmmm...
From there it was time to get down to business. I went to work at her church preparing for a weekend of teenagers, music, late nights, early mornings, difficult spirituals truths, junk food, crazy fun games, and friends. My newfound talent? Laminating. Oh yeah.
I spent the entire weekend with ten beautiful thirteen year old girls. And despite all of its awkwardness and unpredictability, I loved it. I didn't leave best friends with these girls, but I hope that something from this weekend sticks with them. I still pray for them.
The band who led music this weekend and stirred our hearts towards God was Addison Road. I bought their cd before I went so that I would be able to sing along, and I'm sure glad I did.
When the weekend came to a close, I slept once again. And again. You'd think I had enough right? The week started well with a girls day. My cousin is a cosmotologist and agreed to cut my hair on her day off. How sweet of her. And I got a makeover! My hair and make-up looked fantastic! Top that off with a feast for lunch and spa pedicures for my aunt, cousin, other cousin's girlfriend, and me. What a day!
The day before I left I got to go into downtown DC. It was beautiful but chilling outside. After walking around and seeing some of the monuments, I knew it was time to spend some time indoors. Although museums are not my favorite, I decided I wanted to visit the Holocaust Museum. Talk about information overload! Yikes! I crashed on the way home that day. My uncle taught me about slugging(which is kinda like hitch-hiking/carpooling). He said I would be good at it since I sleep the whole time and wake up at my destination. Maybe.
By the time I woke up to drive home the next day, I was sick. Like as in can't stand up without feeling faint, pounding headache, and achy throat. G-ross! But I made it home, only to still be paying dearly for it now.

But you want to know what blessed my heart the most about this whole thing? In two weeks of travel and fun and makeovers and pigging out, I only lost about $50. The math doesn't add up. I know. Everywhere I went families paid for me, and I never expected them to pay a single dime on me. I made money by working at the church which was something I was volunteering to do. I really feel like the Lord just poured out His blessings through the hands of others in my life. Once I recuperate I'm ready to do it over again....well, maybe.

A Couple of Things...

2009-01-28T22:42:00.004-05:00

I've been looking at my blog and thought a couple of things could use some more info. First of all, if you didn't realize the picture at the top is me. This is me sitting on a bench at my favorite spot in all of Palm Beach. I've had a lot of memories there, even on that bench. You see the view in front of me, but what you don't see is what is behind me. Here's another piece of the puzzle that you are missing.

It's the biggest, most beautiful tree I've ever seen in my life. To get a better perspective on how big it actually is here's another picture.

Yeah, that's me sitting on one of the outstretched roots. It sits behind a beautiful church and is next to the oldest house in Palm Beach and the Flagler museum. There is a walking/bike trail between the tree and the bench where I am sitting. The bench overlooks the intracoastal waterway to downtown West Palm. Absolutely enchanting, really.

Another thing I wanted to draw your attention to is my music playlist at the bottom. If you're anything like me you probably have your own music turned on and rush to turn off my playlist as soon as you pull up the site. Well I'd like you to give it a chance. I put thought into my selections, and you might find something you like. The songs don't get changed that often, just every so often I'll find a song that inspires me and I'll add it. So you only have to listen every so often. That's not too much too ask right? I just discovered this indie singer JJ Heller. She's not new to the music biz, and I'm no music expert. But I found her, and I like her. You should check out her music at www.jjheller.com. She even has a blog, so I may add her to my blog list.

That's really all. Feedback is always welcomed. If you think my music sucks, I won't change it, but I would like to know. And then I'll give you full permission to turn it off. :-)

Fulfillment of a promise

2009-01-08T21:49:00.002-05:00

I promised you resolutions, and here they are. I like to categorize.

Physical--
1. The one on the top of everyone's list: Lose weight and exercise! It makes the list every year after all of those wonderful Christmas parties. This year my sister and I are tag-teaming it and have a whole accountability system and weight loss plan...we'll see. I love food. But so far so good. My theme song? "I like to Move It"
2. Stop with the sarcasm. It only gets me into trouble. I started this program for one of my classes this past semester, and it was forgotten as soon as I got home. My goal was to replace sarcasm with genuine and kind words. I'll try again.

Mental--
3. I got a stack of books for Christmas...and they should be read before 2010!
4. Take notes on the things I learn and want to remember from what I read.

Emotional--
5.I like to let others talk about themselves but am slow to mention anything about myself without being asked. I resolve to talk to someone every week about how my life is going, even my insecurities.
6.Be more vulnerable. I shudder at the word. I've decided to try to open up more this year. I think it's a vital part of being real with others, like I say I want to be. I can't fuss about someone else's life being shady, when no one knows much about my own.

Spiritual--
7. Really study God's Word. I try to read my Bible every day, but I would be lying if I said I really knew what those words meant half the time. I know I have taken His words out of context many times, and that is irreverent and irresponsible of me. I need to go deeper and always be intentional about what I read.
8. Get uncomfortable. That's the title of my Bible study right now, and I want it to stick. I don't want to miss out on opportunities to be where God is at work. I want to be His hands and feet.
9.Do new things. I like to do new things. It's not always an uncomfortable thing for me. But I think it is necessary for my growth. It's just something I have to resolve to do.
10.Spend more time in prayer for others. I can be such a selfish pray-er.
11.Use the gifts God has given me in a tangible way every day.
12. Weekly Scripture memorization. I have fallen down in this area over the past year. This is so necessary.

Well, that's all. Nothing too astonishing. Maybe I gave you some ideas to add to your resolutions? Remember, every day is a new start. It's a long time until 2010.

Happy New Beginning!

2009-01-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the New Year! With graduation, Christmas, and New Years behind me, my life as I once knew it is starting to fade quickly in the background. It’s scary, but I’m doing whatever I can to look positively at the new phase of life in front of me.

I really love making New Year’s resolutions. I’m sure part of it is my strange love for making lists, and part is that it feels good to look at all the things I could do and be and imagining myself as this better person. The other part is the refreshing feeling of getting to start over. Of course, you can start over every day, but something about a new year seems full of endless possibilities. I don’t have to be anything that I was in 2008.

I’ve been on the ball with it this year in kind of a backwards way. Usually, I write them down then come up with a plan of attack before stepping into the war zone. This year I went straight to work doing things that I needed to get done and pulling the lists together in my head. Of course I will write it all down in the next few days, but my busy and motivated self is content to doing and being for the moment without paper and pen. I promise to share as soon as I do.

God is a God of new beginnings. The death of His Son signaled the ultimate in new beginnings and is waiting now to offer you yours. Talk about a clean slate!

Honesty

2008-11-15T16:20:00.002-05:00

I began to realize why it is that I write so little and feel unable to write. You see, in the beginning only a few people even knew I had a blog. I could write without holding back, because I really had no clue as to who was reading my blog or how consistently it was read. Now that I know the vast number of close friends and family who keep up with my blog (God bless you all), I'm a scaredy pants. I'm not so scared of reactions as I am to just the amount of knowledge that I share from my heart and I leave in your hands. These are my struggles. These are my joys. These are the places I am growing. These are the places I still need to grow. It is heavy stuff. And I never meant it as just a source of information, but a place to find encouragement and hope. So, I think it's time for me to be honest again.

I graduate in 28 days. Want to talk about an emotional rollercoaster??? I am so excited some days and cry my eyeballs out the very next day. I get a stirring in my stomach just thinking about it. How can a person love and hate something so much at the same time?

And if you really want me to start bawling my eyes out, say anything about my church here, Christ Fellowship. This is without a doubt what I will miss the most. I even got to such an extreme emotionally the other week( I sobbed the whole twenty-five minute ride back to campus) that I wanted to change my whole plans and stay here and work for Christ Fellowship. I was serious! My plans were so elaborate that I think I went ahead and had myself like married and settled here in the next two years! (For those who are itching to find out who the guy is...there isn't one) I was off my rocker big time!! But that's what this time in your life does to a person. It takes you from normal to crazy in under 60 seconds.

**Just as a side note: When you're crazy, you don't want anyone to know that you're crazy. So thanks to all of my friends who treated me like I was normal, when I finally got the courage to talk to you about my losing touch with reality.**

And God is SO GOOD. He has seen through all of my irrationality and whining. He puts up with so much from me. And He still manages to get me back on track at the end of a rough day. I've been reading the Psalms during this rough time, because so many of them basically say "God, my life sucks and things are hard right now, but I give You praise and trust You, because You are God and You take care of Your children." It's probably a bad paraphrase, but read them and see for yourself.

Psalm 13

1 How long, Lord? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts,

and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemies triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

4 and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in Your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in Your salvation.

6 I will sing the Lord's praise,

for He has been GOOD to me.

Can I be real about something else? I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. I still struggle with the picture of me in an office all day, seeing client after client. That's not my heart. Maybe I need to make my own options for myself, but I don't know. How do you do something that has never been done before? I still ask myself what am I really that great at?

That's all for now. Should be more than enough to chew on.

A poem by Carrie

2008-11-11T16:57:00.002-05:00

oh future. poo on you. you make me sick.

Camping 08

2008-10-30T17:30:00.018-04:00

It has been two months since I last posted on this blog, but I honestly haven't written anything but schoolwork during this time. While I am usually overflowing with questions and exciting news, nothing has gotten to the place where I just wanted to write about it.

I have taken two trips recently, both worth writing about, but time is what runs away from me. Almost three weeks ago, I packed up my stuff and drove home to surprise my dad for his 5oth birthday. It was sort of a spontaneous leap from reality for a few days, and I can't remember smiling and laughing that much in months. The first night I spent in SC I stayed with Lacie so my dad wouldn't be clued into the fact that there was more to my coming home than meets the eye. The two of us had a great time together as always, and she took a bunch of goofy pictures of us, which I can only look back on and shake my head.

We surprised my dad ten times over. First me. Then my sister. Then a surprise trip(blind-fold and all). He couldn't believe it. I think it was just the break he needed as well. We ended up in the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. Let me just tell you, it was beautiful.

This past weekend was my fall break, and I decided to take a girls trip to go camping in Georgia with five of my friends. We stayed at High Falls State Park an hour from Atlanta. I have never really been camping before so this was quite the experience for me. I loved it. We built our own fires. We cooked our own food. We hiked. We nearly froze to death. And we almost got eaten by bears the first night because we failed to take our trash to the trash dump. True story.

All in all it was an unforgettable experience. The weather during the day was perfect for us to hike around in the woods and by the waterfalls. We met some fun people too. We weren't exactly looking our best for this trip, but it was a bonding experience nonetheless.

Be 13 Again.

2008-08-31T16:28:00.002-04:00

Be 13 Again. This is the phrase that is plastered to my dorm room wall as of this weekend. I have always felt like the kid in me never grew up. It's a semi-Peter Pan-esque rebellion, which probably explains why that's my favorite story ever. J M Barrie just speaks to me. My entire side of the room is covered with posters and magazine cutouts of all of the latest teenybopper idols. Tons of Hannah Montana. Lots of Jonas Bros. High School Musical stars. Camp Rock leads. You name it, I've got it on my walls. I have one last semester of college, so why not go crazy? It really is fun, and I'm attracted to their fun catchy pop songs that aren't seriously loaded, emotionally frustrated songs that everyone is so driven to these days. They're just fun. And with life being the way it is, some days fun is all I can manage.

In all seriousness, at this point in my life I've been feeling a pretty strong desire to either go back and be 13 again or fast forward five or ten years. College is probably the most uncomfortable place for me to be right now, and yet I have a responsibility to myself and my parents to finish this degree I started three years ago. I have been at school for one week now and I feel like a freshman all over again without the excitement of the years to come. It's just awkward. My ties here are already starting to disintegrate. Even more strange is not knowing what comes next. I should know shouldn't I?

What's most dissappointing is not knowing how or if I left my mark anywhere. Looking back, I remember every year coming back and hoping that I could become a little bit more of myself here in this Christianized college bubble. I never got there. I still left myself in Florence, SC coming to this place where I question every move I make, every word I say in hopes that if I do something right I will earn more Christian points in this race to be the best Christian. I have no titles. I'm not the outgoing one or the funny one or even the smart one. These people have nothing to define me, and I'm left feeling like I don't belong completely. They would never tell you that here.

Generally, I'm a very easy going and cheerful person, but the day I came here I became synical and irritable. I've been taught that when you want to be filled with joy, you need to ask God to give you an unoffendable heart. And I've been praying that over and over again this week. The worst part is how God likes to send you these awful tests to strengthen the qualities you ask for and He places within you. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and pray it again. I have to jokingly say that for me going to college is like enlisting. Like I signed up just to get put on the front lines of combat. Because I can tell you my soul is at war. At least I can rest assured that Christ has already won the battle for its ownership. It's His. All His.

I went to church this morning, and it was the most refreshing and wonderful service. I just felt that if just for a moment I was completely at rest, my spirit renewed. I felt the very power of God. I needed to feel it again. Just a glimpse. We sang a song whose lyrics read, "You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need, You lift us up on wings like eagles." I needed God to remind me that He was that for me. And I was reminded that the position of my weakness and brokenness was where He could use me the most. The less of me I cling to, the more of Him I can have room for in my life. Pastor Tom preached on 2 Timothy 4: 7-8. Verse seven reads, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." I want to be able to able to say that when the battle is finished.

I'll cross the street...I have a dream.

2008-07-28T22:46:00.002-04:00

My last Monday at work is come and gone. I hate how fast summers go by. This has truly been an incredible summer and a busy one at that. I know I'll never be able to do everything I want to do in life, but by golly I try. I have literally been out of town or had plans in town every single weekend. And then I would come back and work 36 hours a week. And I've learned so much and really struggled a lot.
You see, when I've got something on my mind that I'm really wrestling with I tend not to talk about it until I've got it all figured out. This can be problematic when people want to know what's going on with me in certain areas of life. I'm an open book in areas of my life not covered in question marks. For instance, a lot of people close to me have wanted to know how working with a psychology group for the summer has helped me decide my future. While I've learned so much from each one of the great people that I work with, putting it all together still looks like a great big mess. I have less than five months to make plans for January, and I definitely don't want to be stuck in Florence waiting for something magical to happen. I'm smarter than that. But how do you explain messes in your head to other people? I haven't quite found a good way yet.
The best advice I've gotten all summer came from a DVD of a series that Andy Stanley did called the Best Question Ever. We watched these videos on our college and career beach trip. He said that the best question to ask yourself in any circumstance is not "what is the right thing to do?" because that doesn't always point to a solid or concrete answer(not everything is spelled out in the Bible) but we should ask "what is the wise thing to do?" based on my past experiences, current circumstances, and future hopes and dreams. That really put a lot of things in perspective for me.
Too many things have happened for me to write about all of them. I've gotten to spend at least some time with all of those people who are important to me. I've made new friendships and made old friendships stronger. What I'm learning is that life is about relationships. More importantly my salvation rests upon a relationship with the One who holds all things together. And I don't know Him the way I thought I did. This is me being vulnerable. I know so much about Jesus, and I have a relationship with Him. I do. But I know that I can't be a fair weather friend forever. I have to know Him. What is He passionate about? What direction is He going? Because in order to be the kind of bride that the Bridegroom can be proud of instead of some whore for a wife, I have to stand by Him. I need to know where that is. Too many times I get in the way instead of being helpful.
I've already said too much. I have to go. Read the Gospels. Right now I'm reading John who had the nerve to call himself the beloved disciple. I think maybe he got it.

Notes from a working girl

2008-05-28T18:05:00.002-04:00

I am now an eight to five, real deal, working girl now. I have been for four weeks now. I didn't realize how long days could actually be when you're stuck behind a computer. I come home, take a nap, eat dinner, take a shower, and go to bed. I mean, what a life! I can't imagine having a family and other responsibilities outside of a job. I must be so spoiled! But enough whining... I love my job.
Behavioral Health Group has been fantastic for me. The people I work with are amazing and so helpful. I really think I will be sure of what I want to do come the end of the summer. The fact that it is a private practice with a number of psychologists and licensed counselors with diverse backgrounds and specialties is phenomenal. And did I mention that they are all Christians?? This is exactly what I think I want to do! I get along with everyone so well, and sometime they feel more like family than co-workers. And I have only been there for four weeks!
So what do I do exactly? Yeah, good question. Let's say whatever needs to be done. I've caught on pretty quickly with everything so far, so I've been the receptionist some days, I get to run to Office Depot or call them and place orders charging lots of money on the business credit card, I score some of the psychological testing and insert the information into our computer system some times, I get to meet with the doctors and counselors to pelt them with questions, I get to do some observing and participating in group therapy and other things, but mostly I sit at my computer and fix the billing records that weren't done right when the old office manager was there. I will have my own office by the end of the summer. I think that is pretty cool.
My only frustration is that I have been working for four weeks now and won't be paid until next week. I found that out today. I don't want to cast blame on anyone, because the person who should have gotten everything straightened out with the payroll guy hardly works at the office anyways. But I just wish there was one person in charge of me who was there and I could ask questions and get things straightened out right away. Unfortunately for the moment, I'll have to wait on money and keep working on the computer stuff hoping that it is done right.
This will be a great summer, and I have plenty of other things to write about soon. Now to work the church nursery for my mom who is stuck at the beach.....

My crazy life

2008-05-01T10:47:00.000-04:00

My life has never been crazier than it was this semester. I have hardly had time to breathe between reading assignment, writing papers, research projects, and studying for exams. This is my last spring in West Palm, and I wish I had been able to enjoy it more. Now it's time to pack and clean and try to enjoy the last day before summer at home.

The past two weeks have had so much going on, but I think it's important to mention that I just turned 21!!! Even though it was in the midst of the craziness and everyone was busy, my amazing friends still made time to make it special. I woke up and our whole apartment was decorated with streamers and post-its and luau party supplies. It was awesome.

The weekend before my birthday, my family came for a visit. We had a great time, and they even got to come to the Keys with me for my friend's birthday party. It was a busy weekend for me and little sleep, but I really had a good time.

On my actual birthday I went a local park on the beach. It was so much fun. Just me and God and the beauty of creation. This beach has so many shells. I had to go get some as birthday momentos. Even though I had so much on my plate during that time, I decided to take a break from it all and do as little homework as possible. I deserved it. A friend recently taught me that birthdays are about celebrating the gift of life that God has given. It's not about getting a year older but being blessed with another year of life. I want to celebrate like that.

The Bigger Picture

2008-03-28T23:25:00.000-04:00

Ever had one of those days? Of course you have. Today was one of those for me.

So I come home from this long, downhill day and I sit down to get some perspective from my Creator. The book I've been studying read, "We have a fundamental distrust of God and His plan. We have a hard time with perspective because we are too close to the situation and can't see the picture." That's the truth. We live in the moment, and sometimes the moments (esp. stacked on top of each other) overwhelm and we feel like life is being choked out of us. God sees where we're going, the big picture, and is so excited for what He gets to do.

Every day I ask myself "Do I believe that God is good?" It's taped to my mirror to constantly question my ever-wandering mind. If He is good than I should trust Him. Beside my bed is a simple prayer that I have been praying and mulling over for a few weeks now. "God, I will trust that You have in mind what is best for me." However helpful these notes have been, I still find in myself a "fundamental distrust of God and His plan."

I'm a really bad waiter. I whine to God a lot. What's funny is that I usually take it back. Deep down, I'm afraid that He'll give me what I want and I'll find out the hard way that it wasn't what I wanted after all, that it wasn't good. Because in my heart of hearts, I know that God is good, really good.

So as silly as this sounds, from my psychological mind, do yourself a favor when you have one of those days. Take a deep breath and try to see the bigger picture. The truth is that you will have to make it up, because only God knows. So use your imagination. It can take you anywhere. I don't encourage day-dreaming. That'll just get you in trouble. Just grab a glimmer of hope.

Now that I feel really wierd for writing silly stuff like that, know that I want whoever reads this whether intentionally or by stumbling upon it or out of boredom to be encouraged and to learn some of the things I learn along with me. Life is a journey and some times it just feels great to know that others are right there with you.

When I think of the journey metaphor, it reminds me that we always see those who are ahead of us and tend to forget those who are behind us. What I don't understand is why we so often don't see those beside us. Hmm...

Well, if I do have readers, which I kinda hope I do, write me a comment or send me a prayer request. I would be honored. God bless.

Procrastinating

2008-03-10T18:50:00.000-04:00

Right now, I'm supposed to be writing a paper that was due a week and a half ago. I do feel bad. I'm not usually this kind of student. It's just that I have been so busy with school work that I couldn't push myself to write this one. I feel like I'm taking advantage of my teacher a little because he's the only flexible one I have. But the overwhelming amount of work that my inflexible teachers have given, only makes it worse for the flexible ones. Anyways...you don't care.

Last week was spring break. It was such a good break. I tried to be as good as I could spreading my time between everyone. Someone always gets short-changed and I feel bad. But I did okay this time. I slept a lot. I shopped a lot. I ate a lot. What more could a girl want??

I got to go to the beach for a day with my friends and that was the most wonderful experience. I just love them. I remember that I still haven't written about friendship, but I just want to do a good job. My friends mean the world to me. We really are like sisters. We are always there for each other. We have gone through some of the worst that the world could throw at us. We've all gone separate ways since high school, and despite all odds, we are still the best of friends. It has taken more work and more prayer than you could ever imagine, but we have never really fallen apart. We call ourselves the 4 stooges. When the first 2 of us went off to college, I made a travelling journal, a priceless treasure. I was obsessed with The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants and for good reason. Of course, we couldn't find pants to fit all four of us, so the journal was second best. My best memories are with these girls. They have become my one true outlet for being myself. I laugh with them, dance with them, sing to the top of my lungs with them, get silly with them. They make my world go around.

Let me introduce them to you:

1-Jessie. we have been friends the longest, since we were probably ten or so. I joke with her because I really became friends with her because I felt sorry for her. She had a mullet, and no one would be friends with her. Now look what it has grown into! And she has beautiful hair! Jessie is the girl who will always make you laugh. She has a flirty, outgoing, and fun personality. This has made her the first to have a steady boyfriend and get engaged. Jessie is a real artist, and thinks in creative, arsty-fartsy ways. I love her and will always.

2.Sarah Ann. she is my actual blood sister. three years had always been a big gap in age difference until high school. now I don't know where I'd be without her. I get so proud of her, because I have gotten to see her grow. we are very different, with very different interests. but we can always find things to agree on. she is our science nerd and music buff. she is a whiz at science and wants to be a CSI. Sarah Ann also loves music and can sing beautifully. She sings all the time in church. they can't get enough of her. she doesn't like pictures or videos being takne of her, but she always enjoys being behind the camera. she has make many a video of us. she is the most reserved and quiet of all of us, but she can get passionate about many things. then, you better watch out.

3.Lacie. she was just voted by the high schoolers at our church, the hottest girl in our whole church. And she is beautiful. the boys have that right, but not only on the outside. before Lacie and I became friends, she came up to me in the darkness of our sanctuary on a worship night I was leading and asked me to pray for her and help her get closer to God. It was one of those precious moments in my life that I will remember forever. She was probably in eighth grade and I was in tenth. Our friendship just budded after that night. Lacie is both really girly and really...well, not. She grew up with brothers, so she could care less about that stuff, and at the same time she embraces what makes her different from them. She is very competitive and excels quickly at every new thing she tries. She is the most honest, sincere, and simple out of all of us.

All of these girls have amazing hearts for God and other people. I truly believe we stand high above the rest. We call each other out, when we are doing something stupid. We hold only the highest of standards. (to keep the doofwads away!) There are some night and day differences between us, but love holds us together through the bond of Christ. I am grateful every time we get to be together. We are sisters, no ands, ifs, or buts.

Scary stuff

2008-03-06T20:51:00.000-05:00

There are three things that are probably the scariest to hear about your health.
1-You have a problem with your head.
2-You have a problem with your heart.
3- You've got cancer.

I've already dealt with the second one twice in my life. I can promise you, the third time doesn't get any better. Third time's a charm? Yeah right!
I never get sick(knock on wood). But yesterday I woke up with a really sore throat. Then the glands in my neck swelled up and got sore. This morning was the worst. I went down to the kitchen to get breakfast and started to feel light-headed. My heart started racing, and my body felt weak. I tried to get everything ready and to the table but had to just sit down. I laid my head down on the table and everything got worse. The next thing I know I've slid out of my chair and am on the floor disoriented. It took a minute to realize what had just happened as I called for my mom to come to my rescue. She couldn't find me as I was calling for her, but she eventually walked me to the couch. Scary.

Later when talking to my dad, my parents decided that this could be an indication that something is wrong with my heart, a problem that has already surfaced twice in my life(one that healed on its own when I was an infant and one false alarm my freshman year of college). They were afraid that something could really be wrong, so I got to spend my afternoon in a doctor's office, praying that everything really was fine. And praise God they are. I knew that I was being a royal pain in the butt to anyone around me, but it's a scary thing to even think of having heart problems at my age. My cousin who is only three years older than me, just found out she has this hereditary disease of the heart and had to have surgery. I don't want to go through with something like that.

Needless to say, be thankful for your health. If you feel like you're gonna pass out, get low to the ground. It hurts when you fall. And be gracious to those who take care of you. It would be much easier for them to be somewhere else!

e-harmony

2008-02-20T13:15:00.000-05:00

Again, I'm in lab and not paying very much attention, but life is so busy right now before spring break that it might be the only time to catch up about anything.

My new haircut turned out to be not much different than before, except for the bangs (which drive me crazy, by the way) The experience was well worth it and was quite impressed with the salon. It was mind-blowing to go from small-town private salon to a big city professional chain salon. I got suckered into buying the outrageous shampoo and conditioner. Next time I know to stand strong. I'll put up a picture soon.

Next matter of business is Sunday night's concert. It was awesome. My school finally did something worth talking about. Lots of people from around the community came. There was Shane and Shane, Bethany Dillon, Starfield, and speaker, David Nasser. All are my faves. Love them. But what is cooler than seeing them perform in my school gym is getting to pick David Nasser up from the airport, an hour away. I tried so hard not to be star-struck, and I did an ok job. But I definitely wanted to be his best friend. David is my roommate Michelle's favorite speaker and since she had ties to Student Activities, they called her to pick him up. I sat in the back seat, and I'm sure he forgot my name soon after I said it. But so cool!!

I will say that it was hard to sit at the concert surrounded by couples. Literally, one on every side. Halfway through, and I'm not really sure how or why the cute guy from my class came and sat down right in front of me (the couple had left). Talk about distracting. I tried to stay focused on the concert and to not look too much :) This leads me to my next point....

My roommate signed me up for eHarmony!! Without my permission!! I was sitting on the couch beside me on her computer, and I wasn't paying attention to her. Then, she started laughing and I asked her what she was laughing about. She told me that she signed me up! I watched her go through the whole process, and I didn't give her input at all! I don't know how acurate it was, but we have lived together for 3 years now. In the end, I had 8 matches. Interesting. It made me wonder what kind of guys would put themselves on eHarmony? Especially at my age.
I mean, I shouldn't be desperate for at least another 5-10 years. I'm not sure what prompted Michelle to do that for me.

I am overwhelmed by school right now. This is my hardest semester, and it's proving itself. My grandparents are spending Saturday with me, I was supposed to work 3 days this week, and I was supposed to have 2 midterms. God always knows how much I can handle, and I got one test moved to next week(which is a little bit better) and two of my three jobs were cancelled due to sickness(one of which I still get paid for, b/c of late cancellation). How can not praise Him? I'm so thankful for all that God does in my life.

..."O praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead"...

Live life, live free!

2008-02-12T00:36:00.000-05:00

Now I'm really out there. I have posted my page up on facebook. I'm gettin a little crazy! Who knows what'll be next!!

Today I had to write a quote for my school's yearbook about my mission trip to the Philippines last summer. It got me thinking about how amazing that trip was and how amazing God is and how amazing the world is. I'm sure you're thinking, "woah carrie! that's a little too much amazing for one sentence," but it's true. I learned so much on that trip, and it made me want to really see the world. Once you get to see outside of your own little cultural box, all you want is more. More and more.

It really saddens me when I see high school student after high school student stay so close to home and everything they know. I really try to push people to their limits when choosing a college. It's so hard to be away from home. I would never lie about that. I love my family. I love my friends back home. I love my state. But if that's all you ever know, you have no choice but to be narrow-minded. You don't know anything outside of your own little world.

And the world is huge!! I don't want to claim to know all of it, because that is very far from the truth. But I now have a different lens with which I can view the world, a much broader one.

I ran off on that tangent a little too quickly, but I come from a place where people most likely will stay there their entire lives. You'd think it was paradise or something! All of this to say that the Philippines was a most remarkable experience for me. I got stretched a lot. My favorite part (since I don't have near enough time to write about all of it) was getting to work with Compassion Intl. and the children who have been sponsored by blessed families all over the world. Those children took a piece of my heart. I'm sure of it. Every day we had lots of free time, and the kids would come from all over and spend time with us. I got particularly close with this one nine year old boy named Carl John. He had so much personality, and he had such a big heart. He always stood up for his friends, and I remember seeing him just sit with one boy who was crying and not say a word. Everyone on my team loved him, and I wasn't sure if the two of us really had a special bond or if I just felt like we did because he was so friendly. On the last day, a Saturday, we were waiting on Ernie to bring the van back to take us to the airport. All of the Compassion kids had programs they had to attend on Saturdays so they were all there. Carl John had just finished his Bible lesson where they made a bookmark with Romans 10:11 on it. With everyone around, he could have given it to the first person he saw, but I watched him as he kept looking over at me as the other girls ooo'd and aaaahh'd over his bookmark. Looking a little embarrassed he made his way over to me and gave me the bookmark. I felt the tear forming in the corner of my eye, and I read it. In sloppy, child-like writing and words misspelled, read "I miss you Carrei. Carl John" It was the high-light of my trip.

I had been so impressed with Compassion's ministries, and to see what they had done for this little boy who lived in the poorest of conditions, changed me. They do so much. Our money goes so far. I've even thought about working for them sometime in the future. What I would stress to anyone reading this is that if you can sponsor a child, do it! The rewards are far greater than the cost.

What a terrific day looks like

2008-02-08T00:09:00.001-05:00

So far, today has been incredible! First off, I got up early to go work out, which of course makes me feel like a million bucks. And I had a test today, but think I did alright on it--not too hard. After the test my group for my research project met outside Jazzman's. Of course, they are all my friends, and we have a blast together. Not to mention the weather was beautiful outside today. I felt like a princess. I will say that I had a hard time working on our project with the cutie from my class sitting at the table next to us. And with the day being as perfect as it was, I felt hopeful that the perfect opportunity would open up soon for the two of us to become friends. We’ll just have to see.

After the glorious time in front of Jazzmans, I had my Paul class on the beach. Can you imagine?? How many people can say they have had class on the beach? It was the most amazing and fantastic idea ever. And my teacher!! I just love him. He’s like this lovable granddaddy figure. It was all his idea, and I love him for it. It is by far my favorite class this semester. And with a semester full of classes I don’t like, this is a huge breath of fresh air. The teacher plus my awesome classmates make the whole hour and fifteen minute classes fly by.

After class, Kayla and I made yummy bars. I let her in on the secret recipe, and we had a great bonding time. I really wish I spent more time with her. She is a precious girl to me. Not to mention, yummy bars are my favorite thing in the universe. So they added to the greatness of the day.

When I got home from Kayla’s, Brittany had called me to go to Chik-fil-a, another great thing in my life. My friend’s and I ate there and came back to watch a little TV and hang out. We were having so much fun.

Now, it’s time to go to bed, and I’m exhausted. I’ve had quite the full day, you know? As I fall to sleep tonight, I will be sure to count my blessings two times over!... “This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. "

I'm back.

2008-02-06T18:06:00.000-05:00

I think it's funny how I write these things as if someone were actually reading them. I haven't even shared this with anyone I know. My thought was that if I died today (God forbid) someone could see what was actually going on with me. Day by day. Exciting and dull moments.

But back to my hair. Things change so much in my life. Earlier, I said Saturday was haircut day. Well, Michelle actually called and we couldn't get an appointment at the same time until next Wednesday. And we definitely want to do this together. Both of us have pretty much had the same hair stylist our whole lives. So, this is a pretty big leap of faith for both of us, especially since we are going to stylists that are new and straight out of cosmotology school. Hey, we are college students, ok? I hope trying to save a few bucks doesn't turn out to be a huge mistake.

The point of the story (however shallow talking about hair is, there is a point) is that I did not and still do not know my face shape. I've heard time and again that you should choose a hair style based on what complements your face shape. I always thought it was round, but didn't really know. So, I googled and took a bunch of face shape tests, and I found that I supposedly have a heart-shaped face. Every picture of a person with a heart-shaped face contradicts this. My chin doesn't come to a point like all of the pictures I see of celebs with heart-shaped faces. I guess I'll never know. I'm going to ask my stylist next Wednesday though.

Just so you know, I'm not going for a really drastic change. But I want to be noticed. I'll have to put up before and after pictures. Should be really interesting. To be completely honest, I've been especially concerned with impressing boys (or should I say men?) this semester. Quite honestly, I view it as a plague on my contentment. Some days, I think "boy, this is fun!" Other days, I think I should pack up and call it quits. Most of my guy friends have girlfriends(who are also my friends) so as much as I don't want to, I have to go outside of my group of friends to find a guy who would perhaps want to take me out. And that is proving to be hard...in every way.

Sometimes, I'm literally terrified to talk to boys. I don't what to say, do, or think in front of them. It all just gets so jumbled. And there is this one boy that I have been joking around with my girl friends about how cute he is. It's just been so fun to be silly with them about this kind of stuff. But I missed a great opportunity to talk to him last week, and I can't seem to get back in the game since then.

Should I even mention that next week is Valentine's Day? Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think I've ever been one of those sulky singles who hates the mere mentioning of the love holiday. I look forward to my dad buying me roses and my mom sending a card and some candy. But I can't block out of my head completely the reminder that I am failing in that particular area.

All this to say that I'm hoping for the best in my new haircut. I think I'm even springing for side-swept bangs. Maybe it will be just the thing I need to push through the Day of Love!

Hair

2008-02-06T13:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know I said I'd talk about friendship on my very next blog, but right now I'm in class. I really don't think I'll be able to concentrate on important matters such as friendship and pay attention to my professor. So, I'm gonna talk about face shapes and new hair cuts.

Last night, I was sitting on the couch with my roommate, watching the votes come in (yesterday was Super Tuesday), crossing my fingers, and discussing hair and politics with my roommate. Now, I'm not normally a very good multi-tasker, but for the sake of keeping up in this fast-paced world, I'm practicing. I really don't like politics, so I'm not going to talk about the presidential candidates for fear of looking ignorant...because I am.

Michelle, my roommate, was saying to me the other day that her hair was getting to "the awkward stage,"and she wanted to find a hair stylist here, where we go to school. My hair is in the awkward stage too...We decided Saturday was haircut day.

...I type too slowly. Class is over. Wait anxiously for the rest of this story.

So you wanna know about me?

2008-02-05T20:38:00.000-05:00

I don't know what possesses me when I start something like this, putting myself on the internet for the world to see. I guess it's that thing in all of us that wants to be known. Some days there are no words that come to my lips when I need them. Writing can take as long as the words need to come. Right now, I'm sitting on my couch in my dorm watching American Idol and hoping I don't lose my wireless connection. It always amazes me that so many people do not have honest friends in their lives that would keep them from embarrassing themselves on live television. The people who show up for American Idol baffle me. I pray that my friends are always honest with me. I live by a policy of speaking the truth in love. Sometimes, if it's not you then who will speak the honest truth to a friend? It shows how much you love a person if you are willing to temporarily injure their pride to save them from others or even themselves. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."--Proverbs 27:6. Think about that. It's so true.

Friendship is something I take so seriously. My friends know that. They know that if they needed me at any time, day or night, they could just give me a call. And trust me, I've had my share of late night, early morning calls. I bend over backwards for my best friends, and they know where I stand with them. When I come back I'm gonna write more about friendship. My ideas. My friends...for now it's time for my favorite time of year...Towers All Hall Meeting...or not!